Surprise!

Never underestimate the power God has to surprise you.
Just a simple word of wisdom for y'all today. I was recently blown out of the water on so many things that I don't even know where to begin. Pray for Him to surprise you today, because I guarantee He will ;) Til the next new day ♥ ,

Simple Inspiration from a Friend

     Lately it's been a lot of realizations of becoming a real adult. A real grown up where life is getting ahead of me and I am going to have to really buckle down and deal with some hard crap that I've hidden for so long. There are things that I want that I know I am not ready for and there are things that I feel ready for that I know won't be for a long while.
     With all that said I am deciding to just not focus on those things.... at least not right now. Right now I want to focus on the simple things that bring us inspiration as the day goes on and as life goes on. So these are some things that I love, that I have always loved and I will always love that make my jaw drop and heart sink and eyes sparkle.... one of my really good friends this a couple posts ago which in turned inspired me to think about this list. She's awesome and y'all should all check her out at http://katietheosucollegegirl.blogspot.com/

Star Gazing

Dancing

Dancing with someone

Mountain Views

Painting 

Road Trips

Disney Magic

Christmas Lights

Camp sites 

Fireside crackle

Daisy's 

a Lake Dock

Sound the water makes

Open Fields to take off running

Cuddling 

Massages 

Laughter that hurts

Little Giggles

Embarrassing moments

Human Touch

Smiles

Roller Coasters

Silence from Snow

Cooking and Singing in the kitchen

That's just some, there are always more things that I find through out the day that I thank God He has made these little things that make me smile and remember that life may be moving fast and I may be becoming an adult but I might not have to grow up... at least not quite yet :) 

Til the next new day ♥ ,

A Good Night Prayer

 And as I lay my head to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take....

     Lord I thank you for unanswered prayers and friends who love me. I thank you for people in my life who have the courage only through you to tell me out of love when I am screwing up and where I need help and that they love You enough to take action and help me when they know I won't seek it myself. 

     Lord I thank you for the kids we are serving and loving and the opportunity to speak into their lives. Lord we know that each kid was not a mistake and that there is a reason each leader holds validation with a different group of kids. Lord I thank you for differences and love. Lord I thank you for the unknown reason why I call the girls that I do. 

     Lord I pray for peace and settling with the things that I have done and the things that have been done to me. I pray that I am able to place them in the boxes they deserve to be put in as part of my past and things, people and events that made me who you are bringing me to today. Lord I pray that as I put these things there that You help me to keep them there. Using only when prompted by You in a way to share Your victory and love to a child of yours who may be coming to know you. 

     Lord I thank you for endless strong conversation and the reassurance a hug can do. Lord I thank you for your love and the love you show through others in my life. 

     Lord I thank you dancing and country music. It seems silly but that is who you made me to be and I wouldn't have it any other way and I know someday, someone will love it as much as me. 

     Lord I pray for college girls and high school girls in Conway that you have yet to have me meet. I pray that you are softening their hearts to you as we speak. 

     Lord as we sleep I pray that you protect the people I love. My family, my friends here in Conway and my friends back home. Let all of them know how much I respect having them in my life. Protect them tonight. 

     Lord I thank you for your love and your salvation.

amen

     

Til the next new day ♥ ,

This is what I do

   To everyone who is wondering what it is that I do. To all my friends that want to see another YL Club. To all the people that I've been trying to share what Young Life is.... here is a tiny window to what I am doing in Conway. I am a Young Life leader who shows up in the lives of high school and college girls. Every week with the high schoolers we have something called "Club." It's a chance for the kids to laugh and do things that they would have never expected and listen to a great message with their leader sitting right beside them.
     We kicked off our spring semester last night and I think I can speak for all the leaders when I say this semester is going to look a little different and we are all SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!!
     So here is the start to what is going to be an awesome semester of Young Life in Conway, Arkansas!

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Faith and Action

     I was painting this morning and thinking about everything and everything I want to do and I got a sudden urge to stop and go read a passage out of this new devotional book I got recently called "Come Away My Beloved" by Francis J Roberts... it hit everything that has been running through my head the last couple days and all I could do was just laugh at myself.
I figured, I'm not the only one so I decided to share it with y'all!

Faith and Action
     My promises are of no avail to thee except as ye apply and appropriate them by faith. In thy daily walk, ye shall be victorious only to the degree that ye trust Me. I can help thee only as ye ask. I shall meet you at every point where ye put action alongside thy prayers. Only as ye WALK shall the waters of adversity be parted before thee. Overburdened as the world is with trouble and sickness, I need those who have proved My sufficiency in everyday, personal experience to lead the suffering to the fountains of life. I need those who what found Me as burden-bearer to help bring deliverance to the oppressed. 
     Never begrudge time given to chronic complainers, but recognize in each encounter the opportunity to speak a word that may lead to their liberation. No case is too hard for Me. Never be taken by surprise when I use you to change a pattern. Do not judge a man by what he appears to be, but see him as what he CAN be if he give himself unreservedly to Me. 


No matter who you are dealing with, what you are going through, how big your dreams are, He will walk us through it if we trust Him. And He wants us to dream. Like a child He wants us to come to Him with no restraint and no holding back with bright eyes, big smiles and even bigger dreams. When you're a kid it doesn't matter because you think you can do anything. Who says that has to stop? In Mark it is written

"Truly I say to you, 

whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child

 does not enter it at all"

 (Mark 10:15)

Speaking of dreams... I love this song and it has the same "no matter how big, keep going, even if it kills you." It's the new single from the Eli Young Band  Even if it breaks your heart

"Way back on the radio dial 
A fire got lit inside a bright eyes child
Every note just wrapped around his soul
From steal guitars to Memphis all the way to rock and roll...


Oh, I can hear 'em playing
I can hear the ringing of a beat up old guitar
Oh, I can hear them singing
Keep on dreamin' even if it breaks your heart"

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Reminded Who I Am

Til the next new day ♥ ,

What happened to TN?

If you were to ask me when I was 10 what I was going to do after high school, I would have told you I was going to Tennessee (oh and driving a lime green VW bug. the new one, not the vintage one).

If you were to ask me when I was in junior high what my favorite songs were (you know the "i'll sit in my car and wait for you to end before I turn the engine off" songs) I would have told you "Walking in Memphis" by Marc Cohen (the acoustic piano version) and "Maybe it was Memphis" by Pam Tillis. I guess I wanted to know what a Tennessee lullaby was.

If you were to ask me in high school what schools I was looking at, it was Washington State, Arizona State, the University of Arkansas (randomly enough they have an ok journalism program), Southern Oregon University, California State University in Chico, the University of Oregon (which is where I ended up for my freshman year before transferring to OSU) and the University of Tennessee. Then I was told I didn't need to move across the country. but we all know how that turned out.

If you were to ask me last year what I was going to do when I graduated, I was going to buy a truck, pack it up and straight up move to Franklin (outside Nashville). I even contacted the area director there at one point.

So what happened to TN? Nothing really, but I do think it's interesting how God uses things in our lives to bring us where he wants us in that particular moment. If you look at a map I'm only 2.5 hours away from Memphis. And about 6 from Nashville. 7 from Chattanooga. and like 8 or 9 from Knoxville. It's a very long state. Some have told me before "you're so close, why don't you just keep going?" Others think the only reason why I have a Vols shirt is cause of this guy I met at work. I will have you know that I have had that for quite some time now.

I went to Nashville this summer for the day while I was at Sharp Top and it was one of the best days of my life. I wore my favorite skirt, my favorite boots and went to the Country Music Hall of Fame, StudioB, Wildhorse Saloon, Broadway, and a bunch of other stuff (granted I was there for like 12 hours) but I have never had that much fun by myself! I use to drive back and forth from Conway, AR to Jasper, GA through TN and would always stop in Chattanooga. The river front is really awesome and really pretty. It was a great place for me to relax before finishing my drive.

No I'm not there yet but I think I will be. Someday. Somehow. When or why I couldn't tell you but He buts dreams in you for a reason. He knows what is music to your ears and makes your heart sing and weak at the knees. Some say I need to be an adult now but I say 22 is still growing up. And with growing up comes exploration and adventure.
Well friends, I say I got a lot of adventures to explore.

Amabala Emoh Teews

That's Sweet Home Alabama backwards

It's one of my favorite movies, and recently in a lot of ways I've realized that my life is somewhat similar to the story of Melony Smooter... only backwards... and without the whole marriage/divorce drama. I can honestly say that I don't have that much boy drama in my life.

You see Melanie "Carmichael" Smooter has a past. A past that she tries to run from and does everything to hide. She grew up in Pigeon Creek, Alabama and after things go south (no pun intended) she runs to New York City to start a new life, with a new name, trying to forget what she left. Which was her husband of course. Jake Perry, played by Josh Lucas (who randomly enough was born in Little Rock, AR yet graduated high school in Gig Harbor, WA... and isn't bad to look at either) is a deep south man who is trying to make something of him self somewhere in Alabama while still holding onto a dream he's had since he was ten years old. Mel. She comes back from NY to settle their divorce and long story short well... stays with her roots, doesn't marry the Yankee and Felony Melanie and Mr. Perry stay in Sweet Home Alabama. I don't really feel bad about ruining the ending since the movie is now 10 years old.

But the part that I have always related to Melanie more about would be when she is back in her home town and part remembering why she left and a lot of her character is just trying to find out who she is. I love that she came home back down south and the love story between Melanie and Jake is classic and heart breaking every time but one of my favorites to watch over and over. The reason I call my life backwards from hers well for one, I went backwards. I moved South, and sometimes come home and while I don't re-fall in love with my husband, I do relate how she feels a lot of time. Sometimes I wonder if I am running away from something. I remember on the drive down here thinking, "no body knows me here. I could be a completely different person and no one would know. I could start over. Change my identity and never look back." That's what Melanie did. That is what I have thought about doing before and there are somedays where I just wish I grew up down here. Then I go home and wish I never left.
There is a scene with Jake and Melanie sitting in the "Coon Dog Grave yard" after a night with their friends two stepping when they are talking and Melanie says "I'm happy in New York Jake, but then I come down here and this fits too" then Jake says "who says you can't have both." That's how I feel half the time. Why can't I have both?
What am I looking for?
Why do I want to keep exploring? Keep going places? Where am I even going?
Why am I so restless? What is it that I'm looking for?
You know I use Young Life as the reason I moved but am I actually running from something? Someone? Can I do that? Does it just go away?
You know sometimes I pretend to actually have a southern accent so strangers think I grew up somewhere in TN. Couldn't tell y'all why but I do.
I like being free and being able to just jump in my car on my day off and go somewhere right then and there. But then sometimes I wish I had my best friend I've known since the 10th grade right there with me. Just someone to make more memories with.
When I figure out what I'm doing, I'll call ya. Til the next new day ♥ ,

One More Year?

What would you do if you knew there was only one more year?

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Now well I most definitely do not believe that the world is going to end with 2012 the theory's have got me thinking. What would I do if I knew I only had one more year? Honestly I don't think I know. Make the most of it I guess. I'd laugh everyday. Pray more than that. Tell him I love him. Kiss someone. Dance without caring again. Put it all on the line. Have more dates with myself. Have a date with someone else. Fly home again. Tell my brothers about Jesus. Go visit Jackson in California. Go to Disneyland.... twice! Run a race. Cheer again. Perform again. Visit every YL camp. Keep my room clean. Pay for someones drink behind me in line. Eat some good food. Just not care. Explore TN. Go to another Bowl game. Watch the Beavs one more time.

When thinking this list the one thing I keep thinking is "why can't I do this now?"
I can. I should. I think I'm going to. Maybe. Hopefully.
Most people think I am so strong and courageous and will do almost anything and I will, exept when it comes to myself. If it means doing anything for me then it's a slim chance I won't. I don't even like giving myself breaks at work. I love planning things for other people though. I just don't have anyone to plan for anymore.
I think that was my favorite part about being in a relationship. Planning surprises for them when they are not expecting it. I love getting people things when it's not their bday or christmas, and I love taking someone somewhere I know will put a smile on their face. I guess I'm just a people person. I loved being able to take care of someone. Cook dinner. Give them a shoulder massage. Surprises in the city. Secret notes. I miss it.
Who says 2012 doesn't have to be like that? Til the next new day ♥ ,

Beautiful Dreamer

Random Fact: "Beautiful Dreamer" was one of the first songs I learned to play on the piano. Now while my selection is still VERY limited... I can hold my own on that one.. I think


Dreams are weird. Some dreams I wake up scared and in a cold sweat. Others I wake up laughing. Some dreams I love, some I hate, some I can't remember, others I wish I could forget. But then there are dreams that are so real and so relevant that I just can't shake. And sometimes, I don't necessarily want to. Do you ever get that feeling? A dream so real you have to think hard for a second weather it was a dream or yesterday? Or maybe one that you want to be true so much it hurts. Or here's the weird one, dream deja vu. I have had events happen in real life that I remember clear as day... from a dream.

I have learned that you have to be careful with dreams however. They play with your emotions and confuse the heck out of you and half the time scare me to death but I still think there is a part of me that wants so bad to listen to my dreams and a part of me saying I should.

I have heard so many different theories behind dreams but I think that's because we can't fully explain them or understand where they came from. It is said all over the Old Testament that God used dreams to speak to different people in the scriptures. Who says He doesn't still do that? Some say that dreams are a combination of things that happened that day and your mind is continuing to process them. Most of the dreams I have had nothing to do with the day before. Some say dreams have deep underlying meaning however these meanings usually are along the lines of "you were in a field of wildflowers... that means you are going to have soup for dinner." Nonsense really. Others say dreams is your unconscious coming to life and finally getting a chance to talk telling you what it is you really desire deep down. That would make a lot of sense. And that also kind of goes with the theory presented by one of my icons to this day: Walt Disney <3

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you will lose your heartache

Whatever you wish for you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday

You're rainbow will come smiling thru

No matter how your heart is grieving

If you keep on believing

The dream that you wish 

Will come true

-Cinderella - Walt Disney- 

I don't really know what to make of the dream I had last night but I will say that I'm not complaining about it.  And I think from what I know, I am going to stick with what I believe. In prayer, faith, and Cinderella :)

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Home in the Morning

Well in the morning I will be jumping on a plane back home to Arkansas. I was able to spend the Christmas weekend in Seattle with my family and it was much needed but has been making me think a lot too.
I like where I am and I am all about spreading your wings and trying something new but I miss being around the people who know me the best and the streets and towns that made me who I am now. Sometimes it worries me of how much curiosity I have because there are so many things that I want to do but I know that I also hold the desire to become a wife and mother and what I want to do with my house and family. Most girls day dream about this by the way. But I like going to movies by myself, I like going to dinner by myself. I know I am young and I know I have time but who knows what God has for me right now. It's hard to plan out the next couple years knowing commitments you already have, dreams you've had forever, things you just want to do, things you can only do when you're single, things you can only do when your married, as well as knowing that at any moment God could throw a curve ball at you and say "oh btw do this too."
Everyone keeps asking, "how long are you down there?" "when are you coming back?" "what exactly are you  doing down there?" "why did you move to Arkansas?" I feel like there are so many different answers to these questions but the truth is, I honestly don't know. This is where God told me to go and I'm going to stay here until He tells me to do something else.
I am not one for living in regret and knowing now that God is always on my side and that I need to abide in Him and also somewhat being brainwashed from an early age with the Disney juice, I get curious, I have a wild imagination and dreams and I know that I am strong enough with the Lord to pursue my dreams.
I have determined that if I could just clone myself my problems will be solved but since I can't I guess prayer, courage to ask and go and listening to where He decides to take me next is the next best thing.
But for now, I have had an awesome couple days spending time with my family, hanging out with my brothers, becoming better friends with my mom, dancing with my friends, and being back where I came from.
Tomorrow morning I head back to the airport for another trip across the country back home to central Arkansas. And no matter what anyone says, I like Arkansas and before you call me a redneck and knock it down again, come visit me! ... then we'll talk.

Til the next new day....






.... for kicks, here are things I want to do in the near distant future....
- go bungee jumping
- work for disney
- go on a disney adventure
- take another trip by myself
- do another single internship at a YL camp
- explore all of TN (road trip across the state)
- go to a rockin new years party in the city
- do the married internship at the Canyon (WFR)
- road trip to Dallas/ FW and go dancing
- drive across the country again
- compete in dance
- coach high school cheer
- be on staff with YL
- work for disney/ disney imagination/ disney adventures
- visit uncle Keith in Austin
- I want to be single
- I want to be in a relationship
- I want to be married
- I want to be single Til the next new day ♥ ,

'Tis the season I guess!

My roommate told me today that she thinks there is something in the water around the NW because it seems like everyday I turn on my computer or get another phone call where all she hears is "seriously?!!" and she knows... Another one got engaged. And it's true! And I love them all so here's to you! All of you! And congratulations to my wonderful friends. I am so excited for all your lives together!

Katia & Josh
Kari & Chris
Bryan & Geneva
Rachel & Stephen (aka Nizz & Steeze)
Adriana & Ryan
Laura & Brett
Brett & Autum (technically not in the NW but.. Still engaged!)
Kelsey & Darrick
Annalise & Thanh
Bucca & Lindsay
Kelsey & Carter

Congratulations y'all!!

why you don't blog while sleeping

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]-p/.

Never. Forever.

     I came across this picture today by route of an old friend of mine and I must say, regardless of how I found it, I like it. This is me at Young Life's Washington Family Ranch in March of 2009. I was a completely different person then and while it seems like ancient days far away, it really wasn't that long ago. I was with different people, in a different state, I had an entirely different view for my life then.... I mean, I didn't even know how to line dance then! Even where I was is different. That sign that says "Wildhorse Canyon" no longer exists, and neither does that name. There is a whole second camp on that property now and new attractions have been added to this one. 

     It's crazy really, how much you change and how much God changes you and the world around you in such a short amount of time. If you were to tell me the day that picture was taken that in exactly 2 years to the month that I was going to be taking everything I knew and moving it two time zones away, there's no way I would believe you. Never. 

     But the reality is I wouldn't change anything that has happened. There are some people that if I saw now, I don't know if they would even recognize me. I'm more confident in my self, I love how I feel, I like how I look, I love what I'm doing, my hair is longer, my smiles wider and yes y'all.... I may have even developed a little bit of a drawl. :) 

     Even with how things change over time and the development that happens there are somethings that just don't change. That picture is over two years old but I can tell you what I was feeling and thinking that very moment. It's hard to put it into words when I stand right where I am standing there. On that property, under that sign. It's been forever since I've been in that spot but I can tell you there is nothing like it. We all have those places, songs, smells, something that will transport you back to a place you never want to leave and never will. No matter what changes around you, no matter if God takes you to the other side of the country there is still that place, that feeling, that will always be the same. Forever.

Do you know how to...

spin 

flip

twist

shottiche

two step 

horseshoe

waltz

pretzel

twist

octopus

cuddle

windmill

pretzel reverse

pretzel cuddle reverse

window

subway

tabletop 

endless pretzel

death drop

drop

dip 

look

dance in the dark

runaway

log roll

tush push

watermelon crawl

lace up

double spin

butt spin

pull through

varsuvian

tuck 

turn

illusion

Alright, let's talk :)

Lady pAinting...

...ok I know it was really cheesy but. I love painting. Recently it's been a lot of bible versus or song lyrics but either way when I feel the need to paint, I do!
My latest two are are lady Antebellum inspired and here they are!!!
The first song is off their new album (Own the Night) and it's called "Singing Me Home." My roommate and I are planning to try and see them when they come to Missouri. Drive up early, hang out in Branson, so to the show in Springfield and drive home! Totally do able right?! Anyway, the second one is one of my all time favorite Lady A songs, "American Honey." I have one more Lady A painting that I did to "Hello World" which gives me chills every time but I don't have a picture of it.
I could (and frequently do) listen to them on repeat all day. From the itunes session to Own the Night and even hidden songs I've found like "Emily," "I Was Here," and of course their "alter ego" Lady Haze! Anyway, that's my rant of my obsession for Lady A and hopefully I'll be able to see them soon!!!!!

 and for your listening pleasure.....

I'm starting to get use to this place...

you know when (pt 2)

... you are confused beyond belief
... you can't stop smiling
... all you can do is laugh
... slight shaking and giggling come as a package
... you start to think beyond what you thought yesterday
... you can't wait til next time
... you start to realize you're worth it
... nothing starts turning into something
... all you want to do is dance
... you wonder where this even came from
... singing becomes part of your daily routine
... you are scared out of your mind but you just don't care

It's a good place to be. But go slow. Guard your heart. And be so lost in God that whatever is causing all the smiling, laughing and dancing has to seek Him full heatedly to find the rest of what they are looking for.

you know when...

.... you try your hardest to keep things under control and you can't. 

.... you smile all day and act like you got it all together but you really want to scream.

... your friends are bolder than you are and try to "help" by doing things you are to chicken to follow through with

... it would just be easier if he was just another tool bag

... you're making up excuses for things that you can't even justify any more. 

... you secretly are excited about where things can go but are too proud to admit it's really what you want.

... a simple smile makes you weak at the knees

.... things have gone wrong for so long so the minute something starts to go right you just wish it would keep going wrong because the possibility of something working out in your favor is scares the living @*^$^ out of you

... you want it so bad but you don't think you deserve it

... you want it so bad but you don't think they would ever want you

... you're afraid.

That's when God takes your life and shakes it like a snow globe with you trapped inside a whirlwind of water, glitter and fake snow and he's shaking it so hard that you keep hitting your head on the sides of the glass and the little castle trapped inside with you and then all of a sudden.... it stops shaking and every piece of fake snowfalls perfectly and the water is like an early morning on the lake and somehow things are just perfect. 

I am my biggest fear

Literally, I think I scare myself more than anything else in this world. Even snakes. Which I will say spending the summer in the north hills of lovely Georgia where the humid heat of the deep south brought out a good plethora of rattlers, copperheads and water moccasin's helped me a little in getting use to God's worse idea ever but they still make me want to cry. But even after all that, I think I take the cake of my own biggest fear.
  
The way my mind races sometimes and causes me to do things before actually thinking about anything that is going on freaks me out. Sometimes I can catch myself but most of the time it's sitting there thinking after the fact "not your best move Jill."
Why can't I think of that BEFORE I want to dig a whole of embarrassment and bury myself alive in it?
I think of the worse and always focus on the future...the not anywhere near future... rather than being concerned with where I am now. Today. This minute in time.
Last night was fun. It was a much needed night out with two of my best girl friends at a concert on the wonderful River Market in Little Rock. We jammed out to some Hunter Hayes and watched at our beloved Razorbacks got moved to the #3 seat in country (not to mention watching the Ducks loose is always a good time in my book) and had a great time. But something else happened last night that threw me for a loop. I won't go into detail as to really what it was because well, personally it doesn't need to be broadcasted over the internet but the lesson behind that I am ok with I think.
I am fairly confident in who I am, how I look and who God made me to be in my heart and my appearance. Especially being a girl, feeling confident in how you look and going as far as to say "I think I am pretty" is flat out hard to do. Let's face it, most of us are insecure about our bodies and when we admit that we like how we look there are some people that take it as being conceded and full of ourselves. But just when you think you are ok and you are worth something and worth someone .... something else happens that makes you second guess everything you just gained. You doubt yourself and second guess who you are and forget that who you are the princess you were made to be is determined by God and nothing else. And no ONE else for that matter.
I forgot this last night. I wish I didn't but I did. I couldn't even focus on enjoying the concert to the fullest because I was so distracted and forgetting that I am worth it. That is why I scare myself.
Girls please do not loose focus on who you are and what you are made to be.

"There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:7-21

Here's some Hunter Hayes since y'all couldn't be at the concert with me :) 

Til the next new day ♥ ,