The start of the end...

     Today is the morning that we go into Week 10/10 here at Young Life's Sharptop Cove (...oh side note, I was told via email from the service center concerning my signature on my work email that "Young Life" is always two words even though "Wyldlife" and "YoungLives" are one and confuse people...haha) anyway, week 10! In reality we have one more week as interns here after that with a couple non-YL groups coming in but really that's it. I'm not saying that I am checking out now but really this marks the start of the end of my internship here.
     It's been a completely different experience than I went in here thinking it was going to be. Different community, different setting, different camp. It's not bad at all, I have actually learned a lot about myself, my walk with the Lord and my interactions with others. I've learned a lot about my love language living in community like this and how I respond to others as well. I'm not talking about relationship status love language, I will let you know that I am very happy with it just being me and God for a while... until he decided to change that but right now I am so very content with that fact and being a free bird so to speak. But living in a tight community of other interns and friends it's been hard but good at the same time. I've realized that the way I opperate and give and respond to love and attention is completely different than a lot of people. Due to the nature that my job brings I spent a lot of time by myself weather it was in my office or in camp or in town. Not compalining at all, it was just the way my schedule worked but I did learn to love it and appreciate the office way more than I thought I would. A lot of things that happen in the office that as a camper or even a leader you wouldn't really think about how it happens... it just does. I guess that's the magic of Young Life. For instance here are a couple things that I did on a weekly basis that I never thought about before:

     - dividing the camp into teams for pool olympics is actually really fun

- volleyball brackets are actually done the day before with housing assignments

- housing is the biggest puzzle in the entire world

- rooming assignments are prepared for leaders to fill out on the bus while they are coming down the drive way. (thinking about this now, i do remember filling something out when i took girls to camp)

- carboard for cardboard testimonies are not just one peice of cardboard because no cardboard that we get at a camp is blank on both sides. Myself and my SS girl have taped together about 270 peices for leaders stories to be shared on.. and we have about 30 more to go before the summer is over.

- it never occured to me that you can't have 2 buses on the drive way at the same time. They also can't arrive at the same time. Day 1 is my Air Traffic Contoler day and it's almost a coreographed dance in how I get the buses in and out of camp.

- my mail just always showed up... I never thought about the fact that someone is going through piles and piles of letters and packages everyday (including Saturday) and sorting it among ~400+ people everyday. I also didn't know that WC could get (or write) so much mail!

- Schedules.... in the south they laminate all their schedules... after they are minimized and folded. 126. Every week

     That is just a few things but it was definatley an interesting summer.

I met a lot of great people too and it was good to see how another camp does things and expand my thinking and to stay open minded. As much as I will always love WFR I began to understand how dangerous it was that I had let myself become so attached to one place. I was resistant at first and probably still a little bit but it was good to get out, get away and to see new things around Young Life and understanding what it is that we do really well.

     I was able to meet a really good group of people that I know I will stay in contact with for a long time. Some we clicked together better and faster than others but I love and respect them all and know there is a reason God wanted us to work together this summer. Not only the people who are on staff with me right now but the people and leaders who came through STC I think were just as important. We a lot of the Arkansas groups come through who some I already knew, some I just met but because we were from the same place it was really fun to connect with them and know that these were the people I was going home to. Moving to Arkansas couldn't have been a better decision. I am so excited to go home to Conway (me and my roommate just put our deposit down on our apt!!! so pumped to live with her!) and be living in community with thoes people and know that I now know not only people there but feel connected to people in Fayetteville, Heber Springs, Little Rock and North Little Rock. I love so much how Arkansas kind of melds itself into one giant area. I lived there for 2 weeks but the state isn't that big and I already feel at home there.  

     All in all I am excited for what's to come and how I am taking my time at Sharptop home with me.

Week 1 [6 buses and a wobble]

     So I know that I have been here for a little over a month now, almost 2 really but this isn't talking about the first week I am here. Ladies and Gentlemen, SharpTop Cove has just completed Week 1 of our 10 week Younglife summer session! I can say now that after I have the first week under my belt I feel a lot more confident in what to expect and what is going on in my job and just how a different camp runs things. The beginning of the week was stressful. I can honestly say that I didn't want to be here. I felt overwhelmed, lonely and homesick more than I ever have before. Not to mention that the night before campers came in I had a dream that there was a crash on the driveway. Every day 1 I am the air traffic controller responsible for turning our driveway into a one way road to navigate buses in and out of camp on a two mile long drive way with about thirty seven or so twists and turns and ups and downs and timing it just right so that each area and each camper feels like they were the first and only one to ever enter SharpTop Cove. Miraculously my head leaders are amazing and they did every thing in their power to keep me calm and walk me through how this was going to look like and they were all a good portion of comic relief but patient and kind in wanting the same goal of getting these kids into camp but also in a way that I would still walk out of here with my sanity. No body crashed though and everyone got in.
   
     Watching this first group of kids come in was amazing. This is why I do younglife. I defiantly have always loved being on a property but I can tell in myself that I was meant for the field. I cry during the camp video when I see these kids smiling and laughing and having the best week of their life and understanding the reasons behind why we sing Miley Cyrus in club and why we do things like Pool Olympics starts in the field. I would love to be on an assignment every summer from now til the day I die, but ultimately I think right now at least I know God is calling me to the field. I have realized something though being on a property that is in a city..... a few of the staff here are all leaders in Pickins County. You can do both! So, ya know that is an option too.
 
      As for the rest of week 1 we taught Drew Holcomb and the program team how to wobble with the help of the Earle's Girls. This dance has kind of become an anthem for the session at least, we'll see what happens next session. If you want, which you should, the video of the wobble night is on my facebook. It's hilarious!  Ellie is one of the funniest people I have  met and a great role model for a ton of girls that come through SharpTop. I had never heard of them before this assignment but I can honestly say that I love both of them as people and friends and am completely in love with their music. I have loved getting to know them this week and looking forward to interacting with them more as the session goes on, we will all miss them when this is over.


     Being able to go to club has been awesome, listening to James Rockwell go through the club talks that I have heard a bazillion times before is a great reminder as to why I am involved in this ministry. It's going "back to the basics" so to speak. ... and yes I have a goal to read that book before summer ends.

     All in all, now that I have Week 1 out of 10 under my belt, I am starting to feel more confident and at home not only in my job and at SharpTop. Don't get me wrong I still miss the PNW and the Washington Family Ranch but I am excited for my friends who are up there this summer and I am even more excited for the summer that I am going to have here! I am surrounded my a great community and an even greater group of sisters that I am just now starting to realize. I would do anything for these girls and despite all the creatures that we have found (a mice, a bazillion little moths, a few hundred teradactyl size months, a couple frogs and toads, two spiders the size of a sandal, a baby scorpion, oh yeah and evil mr. rattlesnake that was right out side our door that we had Mike come kill before anyone would go outside) South Fork is a pretty great place to live with all of them :)

I was hollow and closed, in the morning i could not see.
 Your beloved goodness rained itself out on me. 
I raged against You like a river on a stone. 
But against that tidal wave, i am overthrown.

Mercy, Mercy, 
Mercy, Mercy.

well i was tossed in the wealthy and leaning on myself.
I played that religion card; i put Jesus on a shelf. 
Born into darkness i kept putting off the grave. 
So yeah, thinking my own goodness could get me through heaven's gates.


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy

I beg You to come and take away all my ancient fears. 
This bloodied history we all cling onto so dear. 
All around me was a blinded fantasy.
The truth in the mirror of a foul vanity.


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy

You walk upon heaven, You walked upon the earth.
You brought me my salvation; for me, a second birth. 
You took my broken cross up to cavalry. 
You sang my redemption song, well hang it on my tree


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy




Til the next new day ♥ ,

Wake up Beautiful

I'm going to try and lean away from making this post sound like a mello-dramatic emo post where all I do is complain about finding my true self and ramble on for hours about how I don't know who I am or what I'm doing .... i'm gonna try really... however here's the song of inspiration for this post.


I'm losing myself tryin? to compete
With everyone else instead of just being me
Don't know where to turn
I've been stuck in this routine
I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in their usual way
So you see, I just wanna believe in me

The mirror can lie
Doesn't show you what's inside
And it, it can tell you you're full of life
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
?Cause everyone's perfect in their usual way
So you see, I just wanna believe in me

I'm quickly finding out
I'm not about to break down, not today
I guess I always knew
That I had all the strength to make it through

And I cannot be afraid
I'm gonna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
?Cause everyone's perfect in their usual way
So you see, now, now I believe in me
Now I believe in me
[Believe In Me - Demi Lovato]


     As much as I don't want to say it this is how I have been feeling lately. There is a part of me that kinda feels pathetic for sharing this with the world but I guess at this point I don't really care. I have gone back and forth so many times on whether I made the right decision or not about coming out here. I feel like I lost that initial drive that I had and vision for College Younglife in Arkansas, as much as I do love that place and am so excited for what's going to happen in Conway in the fall. Whether it's college life or Wyldlife or just being another high school leader things are going to happen that are going to be great. One of my friends even wants to start Caperneum. Then there is another side of me that wants to hop the next plane back to the pacific northwest and escape the humidity, snakes, hot weather, tornadoes and moths the size of teredactyls and visit Kentwood one more time, have coffee with my old YL leader and best friend at the drive thru Starbucks with the big comfy chairs, see my mom and my grandma, take a ferry ride to Bainbridge then hop on I-5 S and watch the sunset on the Oregon coastline and grab my friends and my boots and go to Eagles on a Thursday night then spend the weekend at the Canyon where I can smell Juniper and the John Day river. In all my years of Girl Scout camping and trips around the world I have never been homesick until now. 
    Then there are times where I find myself more at home then I've ever been. When it's just me and God sitting at tee 18 of the frisbee golf course in a rocking chair with a kerr jar of homemade sweet tea I can make it look like I've lived here all my life with the biggest southern accent that you have ever heard and fit in just fine. I know this is the ministry that I am suppose to be a part of but I never thought it would be so lonely at times. I have connected really well with our intern class and I am so excited to get to spend the summer with them and see what relationships will last a life time but .... i don't know I still feel like the person that they are seeing isn't really me. I think that's because I'm not really sure what that means at the moment. I love my job but it's a completely different job then I have EVER had. Any one who knows me well enough, the last place they would EVER place me is behind a desk at a computer for eight hours a day. They all think that I'm this super great artist who has been painting all my life when in reality, I'm not that good and I started painting like... i don't know a couple months ago because my roommate wanted to paint one day and we had a bunch of canvas. I like it but it's not what I do, nor has ever been what I've done. I've never felt this way at a Younglife camp before. Even at Malibu. I've always felt right at home. But everything is so different here. Property actually goes home at the end of the day. I feel like I never see them. Everyone always wants to leave camp and I don't understand why. Cell phones actually work here so everyone has them all the time. I still think that "oh i'm at camp, it doesn't work"... so i leave it at home. I've never had a sister so needless to say living with ten other girls and getting use to sharing clothing has been interesting. No one will go dancing with me and everyone things cap-sacs are dumb. I have to say yes mam and yes sir now. I'm trying really hard but it's so hard to remember, especially since last time I said that, it meant I had an attitude and was being sassy and got in trouble. but I have to say it. It's kinda cool that people actually look each other in the eye when you walk down the street but it's still a little strange thinking that random strangers are staring at me. I'm not saying i don't like it. I love it, really I do... it's just different. I'm trying really hard to adjust but I'm really far away from home. 2632 miles actually. And it's not just for the summer. I have an Arkansas licence now. Everything I have ever known is on the other side of the country and to be honest, i'm trying really hard and I do like it here but it's really hard. 
     I guess just pray for me. I have to get a blood test soon and I'm scared. I don't want to do it but I have to. I need to get other things checked out too. Not to mention everything that is going on with my family right now and i'm too far away to do anything about it. I love where I am but I feel so lost right now and I don't know how to shake it. Sorry for my ramble. I promise the next one won't be this down. I just want to wake up feeling beautiful. 
SharpTop Cove
76 Camp Hope Rd
Jasper, GA 30143


Write if you want :) 






Til the next new day ♥ ,

Starting to feel like home

Work week is here at SharpTop cove and i can gonestly say that that weekend and today it's really started to sink in that this is my HOME for the next couple months. Yes the Washington Family Ranch : Creekside opened up thia weekend and as much as it killed me to mot be there, STC is my home now and I love it! I am surrounded by the beautiful Georgia hills and one of the greatest families I could ask for! I have 3 brothers and have gotten very use to living with guys and being frienss with guys but now I have 10 sisters living in the same house with me! I never thought i would ever be excited tk live in a house with 10 other girls but I am!!! This is my family under the Father. These are the sisters he has given me to share life with. We've only all known each other for a couple days but already it feels like community. I love my sisters <3 [jenna, erin, camille, anne spencer, lee ann, dani, octavia, clark, maggie and jess]

With work week being here I also get to see the Conway folks who have come to volunteer. Just seeing them again has reminded me that even when I move back to the Ark, I have a family waiting there for me as well. It was so good to see all of them roll up and eat dinner with them, sit in club next to them and just know that they are here for the next week and I get to see them when I get back to Arkansas in the fall.

When God wanta you somewhere, He's going to take care of you and one of the ways she does that is community. We are called to live with each other in His family as the body of Christ. Just like Jesus told Nathaniel, "i saw you in the fig tree".... I saw you in before you came out, while you were trying to hide from me. He not only saw us but knew us. He knows what we need and we need each other.

First 2 Weeks

So the first couple weeks at SharpTop, I'm not gonna lie, have been a little tough. But as I get more and more into my job and into the camp I am starting to feel more and more at home. So here is a rundown of the first two weeks having Georgia on my mind:

      I arrived the weekend before Easter. Anne said I could wait till Monday because everyone was   going  to be gone but it was ok. I figured, I live in a college town in Arkansas, everyone is going to be gone there too. I got in semi late that night, it's about 9-10 hours from Conway to STC. I thought I was going to take I-40 through Tennessee but my GPS took me a very strange way that put me from AR to TN to MS to AL to GA back to TN back to GA back to TN and finally into GA and down to SharpTop Cove. let's just say i'm never doing that again. 

     I was glad I came for Easter though. I worked one day and then we had the weekend off so I got to hang out with the interns who stayed for the holiday and then we went to the Korpita's for dinner and I got to met some more of the property staff there. These people are awesome, and they are so fascinated with the fact that I had never had Chick Fil A or sweet tea.... well mainly Chad. it was a good weekend to move in. 

The Wheelhouse Club Room.
My favorite building on property.

   
     The next two weeks were a lot of jumping right into my job! I got an office, for now, and a name tag, for good! lol it makes me feel official. Just getting more comfortable with the phones and answering questions and where things are on the computer and not having to forward every phone call on to Anne because I actually know what I'm doing now has made things get smoother and easier. I got to help with turnover twice which I really loved. Not because I like to clean things, despite what you may think but because I got to hang out with the other year long interns. I have really liked getting to know them and bonding with all of them has been awesome.
   
      We had our summer planning meeting this morning and we got a taste of what summer is actually going to look like. Ya know, I don't think it's going to be that bad as I thought. Tuesday is my day off, I think I'll get off in time Wednesday to watch tableau or at least part of that night, and my hours the other days aren't so bad. Plus I get to interact a lot with the head leaders and the rest of the assignment team which I am actually pretty excited about. I like details, and I like being able to help. I'm a helper it's what I do. And now that I actually know what I'm doing around the office I feel a lot more confident being one of the main go to people in the office and around camp. We've had a couple camps in the last couple weeks so it's kinda been a small dry run before summer hits. All the yearlongs are on their summer rotations, and Jenna's here! She's another summer, she'll be on the waterfront. Plus the other summer interns are only days away! Some, well one (Brett on ropes), will come on Thursday for training for Certified Operators and then the rest come 2 days later! Plus after that we have work week then helllloooo summer! I'm excited :)

The Office where I work

   
     So right now my job consists of the Adult Guest Program, Work Crew, a little help with summer staff and office duties including answering the phones and responding to emails and making 200 copies of the camp map. I really do like it though. I love the people I see in the office all the time, although I sometimes forget to hang out with the other interns but I'm sure once summer hits that it'll all work it self out. I mean hanging out with the interns is kinda written into my schedule, haha. I am excited to get to know everyone though. I have loved living with the girls and some of the summer interns have started talking to each other and I feel like I already know them! All I'm sayin is as much as I miss the Ranch and it will always be my home, and I'm excited for things to happen in Conway with Younglife at UCA.....
It's gonna be a good summer at SharpTop :)

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Lonely Night in Georgia

[ok so not really...]

    Blogging and pandora, what could go wrong? Well currently on my pandora station is Marc Broussard's song "Lonely Night in Georgia," and while I don't want to admit it, is kind of how I feel right now but on another level. This is the chours of the song...

"It's a lonely night in Georgia
And everything I do reminds me of being with you
It's a lonely night, but I'll be alright
'Cause I'm comin' on home, comin' on home to you..."

     Let me start by saying that I absolutley LOVE SharpTop Cove! Please, please don't get me wrong. I mean, it's a Younglife camp... what's not to love? The last week has been amazing and the community out here is awesome and I am so blessed to be able to be with these people for the next couple months and I am extremely excited to meet the future interns that will be joining me in the next couple weeks! This place is gorgeous, the people are amazing and you can feel Jesus alive and well in every nook and on every hill (yes ... this place is very hilly).

Here are 10 things that in my first week at SharpTop that I love about this place [trust me, there are more than 10...in no order...]:
   1. Sweet Tea - yall I don't know how I survived the first 21 years of my life without it and right now STC has got the sweeeeetest tea in town
   2. Rocking Chairs - there is at least 4 on EVERY porch, real ones, not green plastic ones, real ones! how great is that?
   3. Tee 18 Par 5 - so I'm kind of talking about the frisbee golf course right now meaning the location of Tee 18. It's my favorite spot on camp right outside the Bear Den on the corner of the deck that looks right over toward the Wheelhouse [club room]. There's a rocking chair and a great place to people watch, over look camp, talk to God, read, do homework and look at the stars.
   4. South Fork - This is where the girl interns live. It's a strange little cabin in the woods that not a lot of people know where it is but it's a home and it's our home! Which leads me to my next point.....
   5. Octavia, Dani, LeeAnn and Erin - These beautiful women are the STC yearlong girl interns, my roommates and my friends :) They have been so great welcoming me into their home and making me feel at home. I have had some great conversations with each of them already and I am so excited to get to know them more, especially Erin! and I say that because I actually haven't met her yet! She is my actual roomate and she has been in across the ocean for her brothers wedding since before I got here! So excited to meet you Erin!
   6. Housekeeping 2 - Housekeeping 2 is a golf cart on property. This particular golf cart use to belong to maintenance and they removed the govenor from this particular cart which now allows it go significantly faster.
   7. The Office - yes this is my job and where I get to spend the majority of the next couple months but I already love it. I love our little home and the women I work with and I even love hearing random laugher from guest services around the corner. It's where everyone comes for everything.
   8. You'll never go hungry - right now, we have access to the best food all the time. Our kitchen staff is amazing. nuff said.
   9. Brothers - Joe, Luke, Mike, Patrick and Brandon are the guy yearlongs here. I am not just mentioning them because I mentioned the girls but because they are true brothers in Christ. They are always asking me how I'm doing, if I need a ride back from the Mill, or just how my day was and how I'm adjusting to life at SharpTop.
   10. Georgia Stars - on a clear night like tonight, nothing beats the view of the stars in the middle of Jasper, GA.


     That being said.... I am still 3,000 miles away from home. I've never been homesick before but I guess there is a first time for everything. I miss the Northwest. I miss the Ranch. I miss thursday night line dancing. I miss tuesday night college group. I miss the OSU campus. I miss coffee culture. I miss being 4 hours away from my mom. I miss my roommates who watch survivor with me. I miss 9th & Circle dates. I miss the smell of Juniper once you turn onto the camp road. I miss knowing where everything is on property. I miss Condo 14. I miss the rock pile. I miss hot chocolate at the Khulman house. I miss unorganized untraditional club in the MU. I miss Bushwackers. I miss Eagles. I miss having people who are just as excited about your 5th pair of cowboy boots. I miss having a dance partner. I miss the rain. I miss the ocean. I miss Corvallis Goodwill. I miss Fred Meyer! I miss a lot of things but I do love this place and I do love the south and I do love God and I have to trust Him that this is where He wants me for a while. So while I do love it, sometimes it does feel like
"a lonely night in Georgia
And everything I do reminds me of being [back home]
It's a lonely night, but I'll be alright
'Cause I'm comin' on home, comin' on home to you [Jesus]"
 

HUMBLED [to say the least]

     First a little update...  I have been at my new home in Jasper, GA for about 4 days now and while I worked for a day and then we got a 3 day weekend because of Easter, I love it so much! I am so glad to be back on a property again, and while it's not the Canyon I know that we are here for the same purpose and I can't not wait to experience all that SharpTop Cove is in the coming months. It has it's own glory and magnificance that I can't put into words. Today was gorgeous and tomorrow I get to spend Easter with my new summer family :)

    Now for what's on the plate for tonight.... Every morning I have gotten in the habit of listening to a podcast either from Grace City Church in Corvallis, the Onyx House in Eugene or The Way from Solid Rock in Portland. Right now I am going through the 3 part (and famous) Loveology series from John Mark at The Way and this morning I was humbled to my knees and slapped in the face to say the least. I was on part 2 this morning and he was talking about how he believes there are "4 marks to a Godly relationship" and referred to the Song of Songs (Solomon) which is an ancient love poem between Solomon and his wife. The 4 things he is referring to are:
1. Pursuit 2. Passion 3. Purity and 4. Purpose.
     Now while I am not currently in a relationship, and most of you know was pretty hurt by the last one, the best time to learn about how to be in a Godly, loving, Christ centered relationship is now while I am single and maturing and preparing to someday be married rather than in the midst of one I have already screwed up. Now the first 3 marks that John Mark was talking about were awesome and jam packed with things right out of the Bible and so good to hear but not really something I haven't heard before or thought of. I'm not saying they were boring, they were awesome and did give me a little slap on the cheek saying "Hello Mcfly! Remember how you screwed up before? Use these words to not screw up the next one."....  but the last one, purpose had an element that knocked me to my knees in repentance and here's why.... Brendon and I dated too long. That's it. Plain and simple. We should have broken up probably a 1.5 if not 2 years earlier than we did. We were both too blind by sin we had let into our relationship to understand and see that we were not made for each other.
     Now here is where I am going to be completely honest with you guys, the entire time we were dating and even up until maybe this morning I had a sense of pride in myself that I thought I was better than him. I really don't know where it came from but if you were to ask me I would have believed that he was the one dating up. I would never admit it, even to myself but now I realize what it was. I thought I was so cool!! wow was I wrong! I thought I was better looking than he was, I thought I was more in shape than he was, I thought my social status was higher and I don't even know how you measure that by the way,  I thought I was more "on track with God" because I was a younglife leader and doing summer staff and in all these small groups and volunteered at the church, I had all these completely screwed up lies about how cool I thought I was and then it even carried on into the break up! I thought because I was the one who broke up with him that I was in better shape. I thought that I deserved to be the one to find another relationship first. I expected him to be fighting for me, wanting to get back together when in reality in ended up being me and I wasn't ok with that. I have no idea how but I had put myself on this pedestal thinking that I was better than him and the moment that another girl walked into his life before I had the chance to find someone else I fell even harder ever. It crushed me not because I still wanted to be with him (which is what I would have told you at the time) but because I thought that I should be first and why him? what good is he? But yall that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life.
     Brendon is a great man. He's worked incredibly hard for everything that he has, he holds a degree in Business Management with a minor in Sports Administration and one of the only people I know to complete in 4 years, he had built a company from scratch and is living his dream in the music industry making the details happen for not only a band that he believes in but 4 of his best friends. He comes from a great family and parents who love him, believe in him and loves each other and the Lord, he's caring and has the ability to make anybody feel safe, he loves his job and cares about his customers and the town he grew up in and has built him to the person and man he is today. Yeah he has his flaws but who doesn't? We're human. Today Brendon is engaged to be married to Bethany, a great girl who believes in him and is the love of his life, and while some (even me until recently) can say what they want about the age difference or the time line of events from our break up to their engagement but reality is he is worthy of someone to share his life with and so is she. We dated too long, we let sin enter the relationship blinding us from what needed to happen and my own pride destroyed us and me. I am glad that when he knew that she was the one God placed in his life, he acted on that. Each relationship needs to have a purpose and "what's your name" to "i do" does not need to take a bazillion years unless you absolutely have to.
     I know that for the next couple years God has put me in a position where finding a man is not on the "to do list." I need to focus on being the right person and letting that happen on His time, which I have a feeling won't be for a while but when it does, I don't want to "date" for years again. I have told a lot of people, and I am sorry for this, that I thought Brendon and Bethany are moving too fast but in all honestly I'm jealous. I want what he found and I know it's not going to be for a while because I have other things to do first and it yeah it's going to take me awhile to be ok with that but it's not up to me. I know I am going to be in Conway for a while finishing school and trying to build a new college ministry and I know eventually I want to serve as a yearlong intern at another property and that's my focus not a relationship and honestly it's going to be really hard!!!! I like being in a relationship and I think that's why God is saying "no, right now you are mine."
    So Brendon and Bethany, if either one of you ever sees this which I doubt you will but, I honesty and truly wish you the best in your life together. You were made for each other <3

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awake love until it so desires.....Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me" 
                                                                                                                - Song of Songs ch 2


Til the next new day ♥ ,

Welcome to Conway! [VIDEO BLOG]

Miss you all! 

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Sweet Diamond of the South

     Arkansas.
     The Natural State.
     The Diamond of the South.
      My Home.

     I have been in Arkansas for about 2 weeks now and I must say, I absolutely love it! I am surrounded by some awesome people and meeting some great kids and so excited to see what God has in store for College Younglife and just Younglife in general here in Conway! Conway kinda feels like Corvallis is away. It's a college town. I think it might be a little bigger than Corvallis actually. The first two weeks have been awesome. I've met some amazing kids and feel so at home in the younglife community. I also learned that for the last two years I have been backing out of assignments at the Canyon that would have led me to meet two of my really good friends now that both live here. It took the third assignment but either way God really wanted me to get here I guess. It's crazy when He wants someone in your life, no matter what they are going to be there.
    First off the house that I am staying in right now is amazing. The family that owns the house is incredible and so humble. They love the Lord and they love helping people who are on a mission to expand the Kingdom!
Every Sunday we have church, I've been going to this perspectives class with my friend. It's call Perspectives on the World Christian Movement. It's awesome! Afterwards we have our weekly Younglife leader meeting and I must say that if there is one thing that I look forward to every week it's Sunday nights. We go through a bible study together, worship and then talk about club the following night and just hang out really.
    Monday night is club. Right now we have two but they might be thrown together as one soon when the school system realigns itself soon. Club has been awesome. A lot different than club in Corvallis but it's more traditional which, sorry Corvallis, but is what I like. Program, songs, games and just great leaders loving on great kids.

    I really do love Arkansas. I went to Little Rock the other day and Fayetteville this last weekend but I absolutely love this state. I am official as well. I have an Arkansas drivers license and plates! I know this is where I need to be. I am excited to go to Sharptop for the summer as well. I am actually going out early and will be back for a weekend in early May but right now, they need me and I would love to get some experience under my belt before summer hits like a lightning strike! When I get back in the fall it's tower launch sequence engaged!! For College Younglife at UCA that is!!! I went to the All State Leader retreat the other weekend and was able to meet some awesome people who I know will become great dear friends for life and be able to help me with college stuff. It is a little strange telling people that I am an OSU student in the Ark but hey, it's a great conversation starter!


Til the next new day ♥ ,

I-5 to I-40

Hey yall,
sorry it's been so long, I don't have the internet at the place that I am staying at right now so I go to starbucks and steal theirs. Honestly there is another, and even better coffee shop that I could be going to but man if I can't get enough of that passion tea lemonade! And something about it feels familiar and at home so for all yall who protest the big name coffee chains... sorry, I'm gonna stay here for a while.
Well let's start with the drive shall we?!
I decided to go the long way across the country and it took me about 3 days of 15 hours of driving each! I honestly don't know how I did it.
I left Corvallis and went an hour south to hang out with some of my friends in Eugene for a day and say goodbye to them as well. Then I really started my journey.... Here are some memorable moments from glorious trip from Interstate 5 to Interstate 40 (also known as the modern day Route 66!!)

- Sunrise coming into California over the mountains, coming around the corner and seeing Mt. Shasta

- For those of you who don't know, I love bridges. Coming into Redding I stopped and saw the famous Sundial Bridge

- California is a really big state to drive in one day.... just saying. 

- Calling Adriana a little past the bay and singing "Forget You" on her voicemail 

- I stopped in Anaheim and woke up to the Happiest Place on Earth!!! It was kinda like torture though... I mean I could see Space Mountain... so close, yet so far away :( 

- Driving over the top of Arizona I was this close to finding Younglife's Lost Canyon at one point but decided to trek on. 

- I found the REAL London Bridge! Lake Havasu City, AZ

- I checked off something on my bucket list when I got to drive on the Historic Route 66 and drive through Kingman, AZ the Heart of Route 66 and the real life Radiator Springs! Depending on how long you've known me you can only imagine how excited I was :) 

- I didn't have time to get feathers before I left but I found a place in Amarillo, TX that did them! I was the first person (besides their staff) to come get them. Leave it to the NW!

- I was in Amarillo by Morning. :) 

- Watching the sunset over both Arizona and Oklahoma. 

- Talking to Andrew Pratt and having him tell me that when I got to OKC I had to take a detour to see the Sooner stadium... sorry Andrew. Maybe next time :)

- I stopped in Chekotah, OK, home to Carrie Underwood to get gas while playing the song "I ain't in Chekotah Anymore" and finding the Sonic and Lake Eufaula that are mentioned in the song. 

and finally....

- WELCOME TO ARKANSAS! 

I made it home!!!

Til the next new day ♥ ,

2,555 miles, 41 hours, 7 states, 4 days and 2 time zones later.....

I made it! 
Conway, AR..... WELCOME HOME!

Well family and friends, I'm here! It's still pretty surreal being here and all. I know that this is where I am  suppose to be and I know that there is nothing about this that didn't come from God but it hasn't really set in that I'm not going back to the NW anytime soon. I am currently waiting for my area director to get the key to the house that I will be staying at for the month before Sharptop but until then I've been hanging out at Jumpstreet. I am going to go to the high school for some contact work and then make my way to the UCA campus today but then we will talk about the drive over and my first day in the Diamond of the South!

p.s. to everyone in the NW, it's currently thunder storming right now. Rain, rain, rain.... feels like home :)


Til the next new day ♥ ,

50 miles South

Me, Heath & Neil freshman year

..... ok so i've made it to Eugene. haha yeah yeah I know it's not that far away at all and I'll get to Conway later than I wanted to but here is the story. So I realized that I have a whole other group of people in Duck Country that I need to see one last time and say goodbye to so down highway 99 I went.
      It's been good though, I crashed on Neil and Heath's couch and I must say these two are awesome. I met both of them freshman year and have still stayed in touch with both of them even while I've been in Corvallis and Neil even studied abroad in China last term! Both of them are like brothers to me (especially Neil, sophomore year we got his residents to believe that we were siblings for real haha) and I will miss both of them so much! Every time we get together it's an adventure... literally. One night we went down into the steam tunnels under the UO campus and then I spilt hot chocolate all over Neil but... that's a story for another time haha.

Me and Kelsey on Summer Staff '08

     I got to see Kelsey too :) Man do I love this girl! She was one of the first people I met down here while I was getting plugged into Eugene Younglife and have been so blessed to still run into her at the Ranch or while we are in each others opposing cities. We went to Agate Alley and talked forever and spent another hour in the car talking while we said "goodbye" about ten thousand times. So grateful to have her in my life!
  
....so.... why am I still here? Well currently I am waiting for my refund from OSU to be deposited into my account because while I have direct deposit I don't want to get to far away from home until it's in. Part of me is still waiting for something to go wrong, like this isn't really going to happen. It feels like I am just visiting the Eug like normal and then I am going to turn around and head back to Corvallis. I know that's not going to happen but I don't know, maybe I'm just getting scared. I know this is what I need to do and I know that this is where God is calling me but it's scary. I think the last time I drove past Eugene on I-5 was to go to the Graves wedding in Chico, CA with Brendon. I need to do this. Please be praying for my strength and courage to stay strong and safety on the road and also for everything to be deposited tomorrow and go as God is planning. I know it's not going to be smooth sailing but really need it.


Til the next new day ♥ ,

The one I call Madre

       You know a dream is like a river/ Ever changing as it flows/ And a dreamers just a vessel/ Who must follow where it goes/ Trying to learn from what's behind you/ Never knowing what's in store/ Makes each day a constant battle/ Just to stay between the shores.

I will sail my vessel/ Til the river runs dry/ Like a bird upon the wind/ These waters are my sky/ I'll never reach my destination/ If I never try/ So I will sail my vessel/ Til the river runs dry

Many times we stand aside/ Let the waters slip away/ What we put off till tomorrow/ It has now become today/ So don't you sit up on the shoreline/ And say you're satisfied/ Choose to chance the rapids/ Dare to dance that tide

I will sail my vessel/ Til the river runs dry/ Like a bird upon the wind/ These waters are my sky/ I'll never reach my destination/ If I never try/ So I will sail my vessel/ Til the river runs dry


     There's bound to be rough waters/ And I know I'll take some falls/ With the good Lord as my captain/ I can make it through them all

  
      Most of you may think it's strange to start a post about my Mom with Garth Brooks lyrics but to me, that is my mom. My whole fascination with country music came from her and while she doesn't really listen to it anymore, Garth is still very high up on her list. When I think of the music I grew up on it's not the Backstreet Boys or Christina Agularia.... it's Garth Brooks and John Denver. 

     While some of you who have been around a while you know that my relationship with my mom hasn't always been the best. We are both strong willed and match that with my adventurous spirit and her need to know the details mindset, needless to say, we but heads on a number of things. But all in all she is my mom and while as we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, she is still my mom and I love her. Another note, as much as I try to fight it sometimes, I secretly love the fact that I am a clone of her. I can't tell you the number of times I have heard "Oh you must be Nancy's daughter!" There is a picture that hangs in my grandmas house that if you didn't know better and the quality of the picture wasn't aged, I would even think it was me. I talk like her, I laugh like her, I eat in order like her, I separate my M&M's like her, I keep lotion in my cup holder like her, once my cousin asked me "you tilt your head like your mom." I'm not really sure what that really means but it's true. 

     I got to see her yesterday for the first time since Christmas break and was probably the best two hours I have ever spent with my mom. I told her everything and there were a lot of tears and hugs and understanding between the two of us. It was a lot harder to leave that driveway than I thought it was going to be. 

     Never take your family for granted. Especially your mom. She was there when you were born, remember? She loves you and always wants the best for you and will probably never want you to grow up.

     This particular Garth Brooks song however I find pretty appropriate right now. This is my dream that is coming to life. This is the next phase of my life that I am stepping out in faith with the Lord and letting him steer me in the direction of His will. The last verse of the song.... technically I think it's the bridge or something..... says "There's bound to be rough waters and I know I'll take some falls, but with the good Lord as my captain I can make it through them all."  I can't express how true that is. Relying on myself alone I will fail. Without God in my life I wouldn't be where I am today and there is no way that I would be moving to Arkansas. The ministry of Younglife is the tool that I use to to reach kids and students and tell them about the good news that changed my life but ultimately the reason is God and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Keep dreaming and let God control your waters and guide your vessel.
{WHO IS THIS? HE COMMANDS EVEN THE WINDS AND THE WATER, AND THEY OBEY HIM." - LUKE 8:25}

Thank you everyone.

  

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Dear WFR,

     I know I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to all of you before I left but I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to come out the last couple years and every time welcoming me with open arms and becoming a real family to me. That place is home to me and where my whole story starts. Before you even knew me ya'll watched me accept Christ into my heart and start to become the girl that God wants me to be. Thanks to another great friend of yours I was able to start and continue an amazing relationship with that place and all of you, past and present :) You guys have seen me in my all time high and my unbearable brokenness and all in all leading to victory. I am so blessed and thankful to have been considered part of the family out there and to have been able to help and serve in literally almost every position I could! (I counted the other day and I think ODC is the only thing I can't check off my list... lol although I did kinda help dig a ditch at work week for a little bit with the Khulman girls haha)
     The work and life experience is something that I will never forget from my time at WFR and there is NO WAY I could forget any of you! I mean c'mon, this is Younglife after all, it's not like it's gonna be forever! It kinda feels like that though. Man I'm sure going to miss you guys, I love how Craig always referred to me as "Off-Property Staff," and just the love that I felt every time I came out knowing I was going to get to see some of the best people in my life. I am serious when I say that you guys have become part of my family. You guys have helped me through a lot and without knowing taught me so much. Some of you I have known for the last couple years and don't know what I would do without you and some of you I only met this year but am so blessed to call you guys my family and friends.
     I am excited for this next phase in my life and I know that a lot of you guys helped me get to where I am now.  I'm so excited for Sharptop and everything that is coming ahead and shoot!! I'm pumped for you guys!! You have an awesome group of interns on your hands and a whole new camp coming in! Words cannot express how excited I am about not only Creekside but the great things coming in at Canyon as well. I expect to get updates btw haha. Alright well I think you guys get the picture, although it hasn't really set in yet that I'm not coming back out there in 2 weeks but sadly, but great at same time, it's true. So.... Everyone, i love you and thanks for every thing :) I promise to keep you updated :)

Love,
♥ ,

This is Me

    As the last couple things start to fall in line for my moving to the south and starting a new life I can't help but have a overwhelming peace about it knowing that "this is ME!" I couldn't be any more excited to drive across the country and find out what God's got planned for me there :)
     I got my acceptance packet for Sharptop Cove the other day and using email addresses of the other people it got sent to, myself and some of the other interns this summer were able to find each other on Facebook (yes I brought it back lol). I already feel like these people are my friends and I haven't even spoken one word to them (well physically). I know that without a doubt this is where I am suppose to be this summer. As much as I will miss being at the ranch I know that neath those Georgia woods is where I need to be!
     All of this originally started with a joke of commuting 2,000 miles to lead Younglife but wow does God have a way of working,.... it's becoming a reality, a really real reality and I couldn't feel more "at home" about this decision.
     I had my last Monday night pool with Shannon, Thomas and Jonathan... my last line dance with the Eagles crew....my last walk around the Oregon State campus... my last Yogurt Extreme... my last Beaver game at Reser stadium (in the fall)... this weekend will be the last time I'll be at the Washington Family Ranch for college work week... you know what is really cool about that thought? The week I became committed to the Lord was my first week at camp after my senior year of high school. It was the very first thing I ever did in Oregon at WFR and the speaker was a guy named Kent McDonald. The very last thing that I am doing in Oregon is college work week at WFR and the speaker this weekend is a guy names Kent McDonald. I haven't heard his name since that first week and I am stoked! He has no idea who I am but I will probably have to restrain myself from bull rushing him when I see him this weekend. Crazy huh? It's like God planned it or something ;)
     Well, I should get some rest but know that things are happening, God is moving and I know that without a doubt, this is me and this is where I need to be... and I'm not even there yet!

This is real 

This is me

I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be and now

Gonna let the light

Shine on me

Now I've found who I am 

There's no way to hold it in

No more hiding who I want to be

This is me!!!!

[DEMI LOVATO]

"Therefore my dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you will shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." [PHILIPPIANS 2:12-16]




Til the next new day ♥ ,

Life's a Dance... So Watch Your Step

Sink or swim you gotta give it a whirl


Life's a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead
Sometimes you follow 
Don't worry 'bout what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go


The longer I live the more I believe
You do have to give if you want to receive
There's a time to listen, a time to talk
You might have to crawl even after you walk
Had sure things blow up in my face
See the longshot, win the race
Been knocked down by the slammin door
Picked myself up and came back for more
[JOHN MICHAEL MONTGOMERY]


     John Michael Montgomery couldn't have said it any better. Life is a dance the only way we learn is by dancing. When you are learning a new line dance we always tell people to get in the middle. That way when you change walls (face a different direction) you will always have someone on either side of you that you can watch and learn from. It may take some time, it may take a couple tries of making a fool out of your self but eventually you'll get the steps down. And even after you get the basic steps there are still times when we forget the moves, there are always more variations that we can learn from each other, but again the only way to learn is being out of the dance floor, learning as you go.

     Even in the Christian life there is no cake walk. Making a commitment to follow Christ with everything you have usually means that while you have been given this gift of freedom and grace and unconditional love, life usually gets harder. The enemy knows this as well. He knows that while we have a desire to be in a right relationship with our Father, he knows that we are weak and he knows how to clue into our temptations, struggles and appear as "fun and easy." And unfortunately the only real way of knowing is dancing the dance of life. Trying you hardest and running to the cross in every situation but we are human and we do make mistakes. Falling isn't fun. Falling victim to our sin is not anything that anyone should go through but we all do it. We all give in to the mysteriousness that is the enemy attacking the children of God. He knows how to appear alluring and seductive. He's the mysterious attractive guy leaning on the bar, he's thinking that we can take care of ourselves, he's the girl that is giving you attention when you are feeling lonely, he's the sweet taste of another glass of whiskey, he's in our desire to be noticed by the wrong people, he knows what our struggles are and he knows how to use them to get us to fall. And as fun as it may seem at the time and how sucky it becomes afterwards, sometimes that's how we learn. We have to be broken to be made new. The line in the song that says "You might have to crawl even after you walk" relates to just that. Most people think that the Christian life is a track that looks like this:

Where you are on a high for awhile but then make a bad decision and you feel like crap and then you try to come back up for a while but can't hold on any longer and it's a back and forth of being good and being bad and not realizing they can do anything about it. It also holds more weight because we feel like this shouldn't be happening because they want it to look like things are getting better all the time and we should just be going up.                                                                             

                                                                            When in reality it looks like this:  -->      

We are constantly moving and constantly growing in our life and in our faith and walk with the Lord. There are going to be times where we take a step back and go through some really tough stuff and some really bad mistakes and decisions but we will never be back where we started. In everything that God is teaching us he is letting a part of us that shouldn't be a part of us die and left in the valley. As long as we are seeking Him and running back to the cross in our broken states, even in states where all we should do is praise Him we will keep growing.  
  
     Earlier we talked about how when learning a line dance you need to have people on all sides of you to watch and learn from and ones who are going to help you learn. The same goes for any other situation. The last couple days have been extremely hard and if I didn't have the friends that I did, who I knew I could call and wouldn't judge me and would know what to do to take care of me and be with me for 3 hours that they could have been doing homework or something anything else besides literally waiting for me and letting me spend the night at their house and just the friendship that I have built with these 3 girls is unbelievable. God calls us to live in community and this is why. We need people on all sides of us who we can watch, and who are going to help us get through whatever it is that we are going to get through no matter if you are just feeling bad or just made the biggest mistake of your life. No matter what wall you're on, someone else is going to be there surrounding you and guess what, when you rotate walls, now they are looking at you and count on you just the same. In leading YL that is one of the biggest changes I've seen. It's almost the "dirty little secret of younglife" that we do it because of the lives we know we are impacting but mostly because of how our lives are being impacted thought this process. 

[KATIE]

[SHANNON]

[ADRIANA]

   

  You can't worry about the next step in the dance. You can't worry about what you don't know, all we can do is hold tight to Christ, watch out for the enemy and his attacks and learn as we go! 

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow" {psalm 51:7}

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own." {matthew 6:34} 

Til the next new day ♥ ,