Back on the Water

     Last weekend was our Conway Young Life leadership overnight. We loaded the cars and headed out to our friends family's lake house on Greers Ferry in Arkansas. We talked and planned and dreamed for the year ahead of us and just spent time with each other. At night my self and Leslie jumped in the lake with our clothes on.... twice. I was thankful I decided to change out of my jeans before we came back the second time. 
     Being on the lake the next morning made me miss home. Growing up I never had a house ON the water but one of my best friends did and we spent every chance we could 5 minutes away at the Foss's on Lake Meridian. I am pretty sure her mom ended up missing having us over more than her own daughter being at home when we all went off to college. She told me so ;) 
Also, growing up in the Pacific NW being so close to the sound, having  a dad who absolutely loves to fish and would give anything to have his boat back and then moving to an hour from the Oregon coastline with the Willamette River running through town... the PNW just says "water" and until now I think I have always taken it for granted. 
     My mom use to call me her "water baby" and I still do love being in the water but I think I appreciate it even more now. I know Arkansas is known for all it's great water ways and rivers but.. it just doesn't smell like fish. I miss the coast, even though I would say I am more a lake girl than anything. 
     The silence, the reflection, the sound the water makes as it hits the side of an anchored boat, watching fish jump and hearing sea life. Even the sound of the neighbors fishing reel and bobber hitting the water makes me miss my dad. I even want to go fishing now, can you believe that dad? A kid other than Jordan fishing? Everything the water brings I am absolutely in love with.  
     Last night as Leslie and I were swimming around, we grabbed a couple life jackets and laid on our backs and were amazed at what was above us. I haven't seen that many stars since I left Oregon. It was amazing. Words could not describe. Our other friend even said he saw a shooting star. We missed that one. 
     Days like this make me want to be to give anything to be back on the water again. It's so alive! Isn't that how we are suppose to live? That is how God wants us to live. To LIVE. not just survive. As I was sitting on the boat parked int he dock slip, the mornings reading was Ezekiel 18.  It explains that even if a father commits evil things and sins against himself and his Father that the son is not responsible and that he shall surely live. It says that if a wicked person turns from their ways, repents and follows the Lord and what he says he will no longer die but he shall live. The Lord is saying to Turn & Live. Just like the water is alive, He wants us to be alive as well. I think there is something else to water. It's magnificent really. Everything in this world needs it to live and we use it for times of pleasure as well. We are made up of water and we can take a boat out to the middle and stay there for days. Water is talked about in the bible a lot. Jesus talked about being living water and was able to walk on water. But you can drown in water too. It's all very fascinating really. 
     I don't know where to go from there so I will just leave that for you to think about for a while. But I do know that I will continue to be alive in the water. 

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Eden's Edge

     I love this name for their band. Meet Edens Edge and their new song that has become my new obsession lately! I am sure you will love and they are from ARKANSAS!!!

Enjoy!! 

If you want to just listen to the song here is the official music video to "Amen"

Love a New Life

     Part of me wants to apologize to anyone who actually reads this thing. It was started as a way for my family to be kept up to date on the life of their "JillBean" as she packed her car, took a leap of faith into the Lords hands and drove 2,526 miles across the country to start a new life in Central Arkansas.
     The last couple posts I feel like haven't been all that happy and I only know of 1 friend for sure who reads this and I in turn read hers (we are kind of blog obsessed) but as the things that I have previously talked about weren't all that joyful, that was how I was feeling. However I decided that I am moving forward. In talking to my friend yesterday I started to realize what really matters and how happy I am where my life is now. The things I have learned in the past year have been incredible and the last couple days being back off my internship at SharpTop Cove and back in Conway with my friends and YoungLife College at UCA, I finally feel HOME.

     We had our first College Life event the other night and while it may have been a little rocky, I am excited. I met a lot of kids yesterday and the potential on this campus is unreal. God is truly at work in Conway. I am excited to start college groups and create an atmosphere where college kids can feel like they are coming home. I loved going to girls group last year at the Khulman's house and walking into a warm home with desserts and cider on the stove. Needlesstosay I am going to be stealing ideas and modeling a lot of things off of what I saw happen in Corvallis last year because I know that it works and believe it can touch a lot more people than producing just another "club" at the college level that looks a lot like what the other ministries do already. I can not wait to live out what God has put me here to do with the help of my friends and "family"

     I had a talk with a friend today about how sometimes God strips us of everything we know and everything we thought we knew to start us over and have his way with us. Sometimes we scream out as loud as we can "please! just show me a glimpse of what you are doing! why am I here?!" But remember.... he put his own son up on a cross. The most horrific way for someone to die. Jesus pleaded with his Father and yet there was no way out, but the result was the most beautiful gift anyone has ever seen. One of my good friends had a chance the other night while we were talking on the front porch swing to brag about his family and the inspiration his sister and her family is to him and hearing the excitement in his voice of what his sister was doing with her husband and small child was unbelievable. Dirt poor missionaries who are out not only helping people  but have created a Life and a Home for themselves and their little boy with what they have and who love Jesus like nothing I have ever heard of. You could see it in the way her brother was talking.   

     It's going to hurt and sometimes it just straight up sucks but ya know what? It's our choice day to day of how we can make where we are, what we are doing, not only a life of survival of what we think we need to be doing but a life where we live and thrive in a family with our eternal Father. Life becomes a Home.Surviving becomes Living.

     And I say this to my self but wake up in the morning with the sun and natural light, have a cup of coffee, some good breakfast and spend some time with God. Make your bed, take a shower, put on some clothes you feel good in and a smile. Take Him with you and take on whatever He is giving you that day.

   
"GOOD MORNING GOD

THIS IS YOUR DAY

I AM YOUR CHILD 

SHOW ME YOUR WAY"

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Forgotten or Desired

     Pictures were posted the other day. And if you've known me for a while now you might know what pictures I am talking about. He's blocked and so is she but that doesn't stop mutual friends (or even their photographer) from posting them all over facebook. It happened not even a year later. I would like to say that I'm fine. I would like to say that I'm ok but that would be lying. Part of me is happy for them. Part of me started crying. Part of me is glad that they found each other but another part of me just feels forgotten. It's not anything really against them, and everyone (including their photographer) has every right to post evidence of their friends celebration. I know it's nothing but the enemy but I just didn't know I was that easily forgotten.

   I live in central Arkansas now. I left everything I have ever known and put it in my car and moved it across the country. I had a conversation with a friend the other day and it was the first time that it actually hit me that I live 3,000 miles away and I have no idea what is happening in the PNW. I thought I have tried to keep in contact with people but apparently not that well. I miss a lot of people and as Conway hasn't really started to fill with college students yet it can get a little lonely at times especially after realizing that I am once again starting over. I do this to myself ya know. And I do have a great community surrounding me and is excited about life and getting Young Life rolling in central Arkansas both in Conway and North Little Rock and I must say, I am excited as well. College Life is getting started and Wednesday we have our first College Life outing I guess you can call it. We already know a handful of students and I am so excited to get the ball rolling with UCA, Hendrix and the Conway High Wampus Cats! (I am still trying to figure out what a Wampus cat is btw).

     I guess it just didn't hit me until now that life moves on. Even when I am gone, every time I move, life moves on. I think I am here to stay for though. At least for a while. My friends at camp use to joke about why it took me this long to move to the south and honestly I don't know. I do love it here - minus the humidity. And it makes it that much more exciting to go visit! I will be back in OR in less than a month for a couple weddings which despite who I know who I am going to run into I cannot be more excited for my friends. I know I am going to run into my old life. My old group of friends. The ones I don't really talk to anymore but for a good portion of my time in Corvallis, my life revolved around them. We had a reason we hung out and after that reason was gone ... it was gone. They are still all great people but you know how it is, awkward.
 
     It was drilled into me in high school that the greatest need of the human heart is to be understood. I would argue that the second greatest need is to be desired. We all want someone to want us. Make us feel important. Special. Beautiful. Needed. We want someone to be thinking about us when they are out of town. Call us. Remember us. Say our name. It is said that the greatest sound the ear can hear is it's own name. Having someone say your name is special. They know you. They acknowledge you. They remember who you are. Every time I meet someone for the second time I always reintroduce myself not because I forgot that we already met but because I assume that they don't remember meeting me. More often than not however I stand corrected and looking a little embarrassed. But I can't help but error on the side of "what if they don't remember me?"

    Anyway, new realizations come with a new life and I know there are pleanty of people who I love and cherish deeply who are desiring a relationship with me. The most important being God. My Lord. My Savior. My Truth. My Light. My Strength. My Everything. I have my cardboard testimony up on my wall still reminding me that I am:
 "Desired and Pursued by God. Innocent Again."
and that is how I will forever be. Not forgotten. Not lost. But forever desired.
Til the next new day ♥ ,

It Is Finished

Creation resounds the victorious words:

It is finished'

It is done

To the world salvation comes

Hallelujah

We're alive!

Hell was silenced when you cried..

It is finished

It is done

Now completed the work of Love

Hallelujah

He's alive!

Join the song of the ransomed bride

It is finished

It is finished

And it is finished!

     When Jesus was dying on the cross, hanging there as the sin of the world began to overtake the only perfect human to ever walk the earth, the last words that He said before He gave up His final breath were "it is finished." Over. Done. What he came here to do was complete and it was time to move on to the next stage of His mission. "Completed the work of Love." It's a beautiful picture really and yet throughout my life I continue to make it more complicated than it is when really the problem has already been solved. Nothing is bigger than God and what Jesus did for us and it's already been done. He already took care of the issue and solved the problem weather we accept it or not it's truth. Our sins have already been forgiven and put on that cross with our savior. "While we were still sinners Christ died for us" [romans 5:8]. It's the most beautiful dreadful picture in the whole world. You and me did that to a perfectly innocent man. And he volunteered. 


     My summer as the SharpTop Cove Administration Intern is also finished. I am back in Conway, AR now ready for new things and to start a new life. I left my life in Oregon on an interesting note and I'm not sure how closed that book was but it definitely time for a new book, or at least a new chapter. I said goodbye to all my friends the Lord placed in my life for the last 4 months and re packed my little car (again) and headed north, turned left at Tennessee and ended up in my new home. Whenever someone asks about my time at STC I think I always tell them what they weren't expecting to hear. I say it was good but hard and different than I thought it was going to be. Don't get me wrong I loved it and will forever cherish the memories, the people, the Georgia hills, the fireflies, the lessons, the work, and the excitement that is getting to experience what Young Life is really good at doing. Young Life camping, and Young Life camping in the South, is an unbelievable phenomenon that I thank God and men like Jim Rayburn, Herb Taylor and Sid Smith for fully understanding and figuring out the importance of what we do and why we do it. But for now all across the country it is finished. Everyone is going back to their home towns to start a new life. Weather it be a new life with Christ and their YL leader, or a new life just after camp. It is finished. But it's also just getting started. 

Til the next new day ♥ ,

A Realization in Savannah

     I went into work this morning and all day I felt like people were saying "Hey I feel like I haven't seen you in like awhile!" Well that's because they hadn't, for the last two days I made my way down to GA Hwy 16 all the way to Savannah. This city had more history than I could ever imagine! I like the west side don't get me wrong but we do NOT have the history that this part of the country has. Savannah was amazing. It was just the little vacation I needed at the end of this crazy summer God has given me to be a part of.

     The first part I spent in the city. Historic downtown Savannah has so much to see weather it's by carriage, ship or trolley or walking the streets and poking your head into various shops full of nick-nacks and things we don't need. The main reason (and yes this is my Dork warning) is that Savannah happens to be home to the headquarters and birthplace of the Girl Scouts and Juliette Gordon Low. I have been a scout for 15 years and still going so seeing the birthplace house and going to the city where it all got started has been on my bucket list for a very long time.  It was so cool! At least I thought it was :) I knew a lot of the stories the guide was telling already but I loved seeing her house and her paintings and learning even more. That is one thing I loved about not only Savannah but being in this part of the country is how much history is here and everything that has happened here in our early days. The buildings are miraculous and you can feel the history when you walk into a room or down the cobble roads on River Street. I could have spent an entire weekend just on the river by the way. I loved it and I wish I could have spent more time there.

     I spent the next part of the trip on Tybee Island and got to truly be on the other side of the country. The Atlantic Ocean! It was cool but almost mind blowing because of how different the ocean is. First (and I hope this makes sense) but it was on the other side. In my mind and my internal compass was thrown off a little because of the side the ocean was on and where I was expecting it to be. Also... people were swimming in the ocean, and it was warm. People were just hanging out in the water like you would a pool or a lake. Until now my understanding in going to the beach meant that you probably needed to build a fire, it was going to be cold, really windy, you can wave jump if your ankles don't get frozen off and did I mention that it's cold? It was so cool to just sit on the beach, lay out and be in the water! It wasn't as clear and pretty but hey, it was still the ocean. Gorgeous in itself. But here was the biggest thing for me... on kind of a different note. I was perfectly comfortable laying out on the beach in my swimsuit and just relaxing. I didn't care what anyone else thought and I have also noticed that for the last couple days I had been wearing a lot of dresses and skirts. Do you know how long it has taken me to feel this way? For the first time in a long time I was feeling completely at home, comfortable and beautiful in my own body and skin the way God made me. An old friend of mine use to tell me a lot that he wanted me believe him when he told me I was beautiful. I mean I liked hearing him say it but at the time I NEEDED to hear it to believe it. I needed a second party to confirm what I wanted to know and even then I needed to hear it over and over again because I never really believed it for myself. Now this isn't suppose to start some pity party about how I have a low self esteem, I am merely saying that I realized this weekend that I am beautiful because this is exactly how I was made and looking in the mirror I was actually happy and excited to go out in public because I FELT beautiful. I know that it is true! I can lay on the beach in my swim suit because I like it and I can wear a dress because I want to not because my dad paid me and I can and will line dance down the cobble stone street because that is how happy I feel in the freedom to be me and not worry if anyone is watching.

     It was a realization that I have been waiting for for a while and it kind of snuck up on me to be honest. I know there are times where I am going to wish my hair would corporate or I just can't find anything to wear but :

- I know that this is how God made me,

- I can be confident in my own skin

- and I have every right and every freedom to be me! 

   
     Oh..,.. if anyone knows where to get a hulu girl for my car, please let me know. I have a disco ball and it needs someone to dance under it...... and because I really like the song Summer's Little Angel and sometimes, I like to think that song is about me :) just joking.... kinda...

Her daddy was a surfer, she grew up on the waves

Her mumma was a waitress, down in "Tiki Daves"

She was born in July, took her first steps in the sand

That's where she found her freeedom,

and that's where it all began

She's got a hula girl dancing on her dashboard

on her ankle there's a string of pukka shells

she leaves a trail of broken hearts along the seashore

she's summers lil angel

She's got freckles on her shoulders, tattooed by the sun

Little white tan lines where her bikini runs

She puts messages in bottles and sends them out to sea

Asking for her true love, thats how she got to me

She's got a hula girl dancing on her dashboard

on her ankle there's a string of pukka shells

she leaves a trail of broken hearts along the seashore

she's summers lil angel

Well summer came and went, just like the perfect wave

But I never will forget how she drove away

With a hula girl.... on her dashboard, I bet right now

She's got a hula girl dancing on her dashboard

on her ankle there's a string of pukka shells

she leaves a trail of broken hearts along the seashore

she's summers lil angel

Summers lil angel

I bet right now...

she's got a hula girl, dancing on her dashboard

summers lil angel

Til the next new day ♥ ,

The start of the end...

     Today is the morning that we go into Week 10/10 here at Young Life's Sharptop Cove (...oh side note, I was told via email from the service center concerning my signature on my work email that "Young Life" is always two words even though "Wyldlife" and "YoungLives" are one and confuse people...haha) anyway, week 10! In reality we have one more week as interns here after that with a couple non-YL groups coming in but really that's it. I'm not saying that I am checking out now but really this marks the start of the end of my internship here.
     It's been a completely different experience than I went in here thinking it was going to be. Different community, different setting, different camp. It's not bad at all, I have actually learned a lot about myself, my walk with the Lord and my interactions with others. I've learned a lot about my love language living in community like this and how I respond to others as well. I'm not talking about relationship status love language, I will let you know that I am very happy with it just being me and God for a while... until he decided to change that but right now I am so very content with that fact and being a free bird so to speak. But living in a tight community of other interns and friends it's been hard but good at the same time. I've realized that the way I opperate and give and respond to love and attention is completely different than a lot of people. Due to the nature that my job brings I spent a lot of time by myself weather it was in my office or in camp or in town. Not compalining at all, it was just the way my schedule worked but I did learn to love it and appreciate the office way more than I thought I would. A lot of things that happen in the office that as a camper or even a leader you wouldn't really think about how it happens... it just does. I guess that's the magic of Young Life. For instance here are a couple things that I did on a weekly basis that I never thought about before:

     - dividing the camp into teams for pool olympics is actually really fun

- volleyball brackets are actually done the day before with housing assignments

- housing is the biggest puzzle in the entire world

- rooming assignments are prepared for leaders to fill out on the bus while they are coming down the drive way. (thinking about this now, i do remember filling something out when i took girls to camp)

- carboard for cardboard testimonies are not just one peice of cardboard because no cardboard that we get at a camp is blank on both sides. Myself and my SS girl have taped together about 270 peices for leaders stories to be shared on.. and we have about 30 more to go before the summer is over.

- it never occured to me that you can't have 2 buses on the drive way at the same time. They also can't arrive at the same time. Day 1 is my Air Traffic Contoler day and it's almost a coreographed dance in how I get the buses in and out of camp.

- my mail just always showed up... I never thought about the fact that someone is going through piles and piles of letters and packages everyday (including Saturday) and sorting it among ~400+ people everyday. I also didn't know that WC could get (or write) so much mail!

- Schedules.... in the south they laminate all their schedules... after they are minimized and folded. 126. Every week

     That is just a few things but it was definatley an interesting summer.

I met a lot of great people too and it was good to see how another camp does things and expand my thinking and to stay open minded. As much as I will always love WFR I began to understand how dangerous it was that I had let myself become so attached to one place. I was resistant at first and probably still a little bit but it was good to get out, get away and to see new things around Young Life and understanding what it is that we do really well.

     I was able to meet a really good group of people that I know I will stay in contact with for a long time. Some we clicked together better and faster than others but I love and respect them all and know there is a reason God wanted us to work together this summer. Not only the people who are on staff with me right now but the people and leaders who came through STC I think were just as important. We a lot of the Arkansas groups come through who some I already knew, some I just met but because we were from the same place it was really fun to connect with them and know that these were the people I was going home to. Moving to Arkansas couldn't have been a better decision. I am so excited to go home to Conway (me and my roommate just put our deposit down on our apt!!! so pumped to live with her!) and be living in community with thoes people and know that I now know not only people there but feel connected to people in Fayetteville, Heber Springs, Little Rock and North Little Rock. I love so much how Arkansas kind of melds itself into one giant area. I lived there for 2 weeks but the state isn't that big and I already feel at home there.  

     All in all I am excited for what's to come and how I am taking my time at Sharptop home with me.

Week 1 [6 buses and a wobble]

     So I know that I have been here for a little over a month now, almost 2 really but this isn't talking about the first week I am here. Ladies and Gentlemen, SharpTop Cove has just completed Week 1 of our 10 week Younglife summer session! I can say now that after I have the first week under my belt I feel a lot more confident in what to expect and what is going on in my job and just how a different camp runs things. The beginning of the week was stressful. I can honestly say that I didn't want to be here. I felt overwhelmed, lonely and homesick more than I ever have before. Not to mention that the night before campers came in I had a dream that there was a crash on the driveway. Every day 1 I am the air traffic controller responsible for turning our driveway into a one way road to navigate buses in and out of camp on a two mile long drive way with about thirty seven or so twists and turns and ups and downs and timing it just right so that each area and each camper feels like they were the first and only one to ever enter SharpTop Cove. Miraculously my head leaders are amazing and they did every thing in their power to keep me calm and walk me through how this was going to look like and they were all a good portion of comic relief but patient and kind in wanting the same goal of getting these kids into camp but also in a way that I would still walk out of here with my sanity. No body crashed though and everyone got in.
   
     Watching this first group of kids come in was amazing. This is why I do younglife. I defiantly have always loved being on a property but I can tell in myself that I was meant for the field. I cry during the camp video when I see these kids smiling and laughing and having the best week of their life and understanding the reasons behind why we sing Miley Cyrus in club and why we do things like Pool Olympics starts in the field. I would love to be on an assignment every summer from now til the day I die, but ultimately I think right now at least I know God is calling me to the field. I have realized something though being on a property that is in a city..... a few of the staff here are all leaders in Pickins County. You can do both! So, ya know that is an option too.
 
      As for the rest of week 1 we taught Drew Holcomb and the program team how to wobble with the help of the Earle's Girls. This dance has kind of become an anthem for the session at least, we'll see what happens next session. If you want, which you should, the video of the wobble night is on my facebook. It's hilarious!  Ellie is one of the funniest people I have  met and a great role model for a ton of girls that come through SharpTop. I had never heard of them before this assignment but I can honestly say that I love both of them as people and friends and am completely in love with their music. I have loved getting to know them this week and looking forward to interacting with them more as the session goes on, we will all miss them when this is over.


     Being able to go to club has been awesome, listening to James Rockwell go through the club talks that I have heard a bazillion times before is a great reminder as to why I am involved in this ministry. It's going "back to the basics" so to speak. ... and yes I have a goal to read that book before summer ends.

     All in all, now that I have Week 1 out of 10 under my belt, I am starting to feel more confident and at home not only in my job and at SharpTop. Don't get me wrong I still miss the PNW and the Washington Family Ranch but I am excited for my friends who are up there this summer and I am even more excited for the summer that I am going to have here! I am surrounded my a great community and an even greater group of sisters that I am just now starting to realize. I would do anything for these girls and despite all the creatures that we have found (a mice, a bazillion little moths, a few hundred teradactyl size months, a couple frogs and toads, two spiders the size of a sandal, a baby scorpion, oh yeah and evil mr. rattlesnake that was right out side our door that we had Mike come kill before anyone would go outside) South Fork is a pretty great place to live with all of them :)

I was hollow and closed, in the morning i could not see.
 Your beloved goodness rained itself out on me. 
I raged against You like a river on a stone. 
But against that tidal wave, i am overthrown.

Mercy, Mercy, 
Mercy, Mercy.

well i was tossed in the wealthy and leaning on myself.
I played that religion card; i put Jesus on a shelf. 
Born into darkness i kept putting off the grave. 
So yeah, thinking my own goodness could get me through heaven's gates.


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy

I beg You to come and take away all my ancient fears. 
This bloodied history we all cling onto so dear. 
All around me was a blinded fantasy.
The truth in the mirror of a foul vanity.


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy

You walk upon heaven, You walked upon the earth.
You brought me my salvation; for me, a second birth. 
You took my broken cross up to cavalry. 
You sang my redemption song, well hang it on my tree


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy




Til the next new day ♥ ,

Wake up Beautiful

I'm going to try and lean away from making this post sound like a mello-dramatic emo post where all I do is complain about finding my true self and ramble on for hours about how I don't know who I am or what I'm doing .... i'm gonna try really... however here's the song of inspiration for this post.


I'm losing myself tryin? to compete
With everyone else instead of just being me
Don't know where to turn
I've been stuck in this routine
I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
Cause everyone's perfect in their usual way
So you see, I just wanna believe in me

The mirror can lie
Doesn't show you what's inside
And it, it can tell you you're full of life
It's amazing what you can hide
Just by putting on a smile

I don't wanna be afraid
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
?Cause everyone's perfect in their usual way
So you see, I just wanna believe in me

I'm quickly finding out
I'm not about to break down, not today
I guess I always knew
That I had all the strength to make it through

And I cannot be afraid
I'm gonna wake up feeling beautiful today
And know that I'm okay
?Cause everyone's perfect in their usual way
So you see, now, now I believe in me
Now I believe in me
[Believe In Me - Demi Lovato]


     As much as I don't want to say it this is how I have been feeling lately. There is a part of me that kinda feels pathetic for sharing this with the world but I guess at this point I don't really care. I have gone back and forth so many times on whether I made the right decision or not about coming out here. I feel like I lost that initial drive that I had and vision for College Younglife in Arkansas, as much as I do love that place and am so excited for what's going to happen in Conway in the fall. Whether it's college life or Wyldlife or just being another high school leader things are going to happen that are going to be great. One of my friends even wants to start Caperneum. Then there is another side of me that wants to hop the next plane back to the pacific northwest and escape the humidity, snakes, hot weather, tornadoes and moths the size of teredactyls and visit Kentwood one more time, have coffee with my old YL leader and best friend at the drive thru Starbucks with the big comfy chairs, see my mom and my grandma, take a ferry ride to Bainbridge then hop on I-5 S and watch the sunset on the Oregon coastline and grab my friends and my boots and go to Eagles on a Thursday night then spend the weekend at the Canyon where I can smell Juniper and the John Day river. In all my years of Girl Scout camping and trips around the world I have never been homesick until now. 
    Then there are times where I find myself more at home then I've ever been. When it's just me and God sitting at tee 18 of the frisbee golf course in a rocking chair with a kerr jar of homemade sweet tea I can make it look like I've lived here all my life with the biggest southern accent that you have ever heard and fit in just fine. I know this is the ministry that I am suppose to be a part of but I never thought it would be so lonely at times. I have connected really well with our intern class and I am so excited to get to spend the summer with them and see what relationships will last a life time but .... i don't know I still feel like the person that they are seeing isn't really me. I think that's because I'm not really sure what that means at the moment. I love my job but it's a completely different job then I have EVER had. Any one who knows me well enough, the last place they would EVER place me is behind a desk at a computer for eight hours a day. They all think that I'm this super great artist who has been painting all my life when in reality, I'm not that good and I started painting like... i don't know a couple months ago because my roommate wanted to paint one day and we had a bunch of canvas. I like it but it's not what I do, nor has ever been what I've done. I've never felt this way at a Younglife camp before. Even at Malibu. I've always felt right at home. But everything is so different here. Property actually goes home at the end of the day. I feel like I never see them. Everyone always wants to leave camp and I don't understand why. Cell phones actually work here so everyone has them all the time. I still think that "oh i'm at camp, it doesn't work"... so i leave it at home. I've never had a sister so needless to say living with ten other girls and getting use to sharing clothing has been interesting. No one will go dancing with me and everyone things cap-sacs are dumb. I have to say yes mam and yes sir now. I'm trying really hard but it's so hard to remember, especially since last time I said that, it meant I had an attitude and was being sassy and got in trouble. but I have to say it. It's kinda cool that people actually look each other in the eye when you walk down the street but it's still a little strange thinking that random strangers are staring at me. I'm not saying i don't like it. I love it, really I do... it's just different. I'm trying really hard to adjust but I'm really far away from home. 2632 miles actually. And it's not just for the summer. I have an Arkansas licence now. Everything I have ever known is on the other side of the country and to be honest, i'm trying really hard and I do like it here but it's really hard. 
     I guess just pray for me. I have to get a blood test soon and I'm scared. I don't want to do it but I have to. I need to get other things checked out too. Not to mention everything that is going on with my family right now and i'm too far away to do anything about it. I love where I am but I feel so lost right now and I don't know how to shake it. Sorry for my ramble. I promise the next one won't be this down. I just want to wake up feeling beautiful. 
SharpTop Cove
76 Camp Hope Rd
Jasper, GA 30143


Write if you want :) 






Til the next new day ♥ ,

Starting to feel like home

Work week is here at SharpTop cove and i can gonestly say that that weekend and today it's really started to sink in that this is my HOME for the next couple months. Yes the Washington Family Ranch : Creekside opened up thia weekend and as much as it killed me to mot be there, STC is my home now and I love it! I am surrounded by the beautiful Georgia hills and one of the greatest families I could ask for! I have 3 brothers and have gotten very use to living with guys and being frienss with guys but now I have 10 sisters living in the same house with me! I never thought i would ever be excited tk live in a house with 10 other girls but I am!!! This is my family under the Father. These are the sisters he has given me to share life with. We've only all known each other for a couple days but already it feels like community. I love my sisters <3 [jenna, erin, camille, anne spencer, lee ann, dani, octavia, clark, maggie and jess]

With work week being here I also get to see the Conway folks who have come to volunteer. Just seeing them again has reminded me that even when I move back to the Ark, I have a family waiting there for me as well. It was so good to see all of them roll up and eat dinner with them, sit in club next to them and just know that they are here for the next week and I get to see them when I get back to Arkansas in the fall.

When God wanta you somewhere, He's going to take care of you and one of the ways she does that is community. We are called to live with each other in His family as the body of Christ. Just like Jesus told Nathaniel, "i saw you in the fig tree".... I saw you in before you came out, while you were trying to hide from me. He not only saw us but knew us. He knows what we need and we need each other.

First 2 Weeks

So the first couple weeks at SharpTop, I'm not gonna lie, have been a little tough. But as I get more and more into my job and into the camp I am starting to feel more and more at home. So here is a rundown of the first two weeks having Georgia on my mind:

      I arrived the weekend before Easter. Anne said I could wait till Monday because everyone was   going  to be gone but it was ok. I figured, I live in a college town in Arkansas, everyone is going to be gone there too. I got in semi late that night, it's about 9-10 hours from Conway to STC. I thought I was going to take I-40 through Tennessee but my GPS took me a very strange way that put me from AR to TN to MS to AL to GA back to TN back to GA back to TN and finally into GA and down to SharpTop Cove. let's just say i'm never doing that again. 

     I was glad I came for Easter though. I worked one day and then we had the weekend off so I got to hang out with the interns who stayed for the holiday and then we went to the Korpita's for dinner and I got to met some more of the property staff there. These people are awesome, and they are so fascinated with the fact that I had never had Chick Fil A or sweet tea.... well mainly Chad. it was a good weekend to move in. 

The Wheelhouse Club Room.
My favorite building on property.

   
     The next two weeks were a lot of jumping right into my job! I got an office, for now, and a name tag, for good! lol it makes me feel official. Just getting more comfortable with the phones and answering questions and where things are on the computer and not having to forward every phone call on to Anne because I actually know what I'm doing now has made things get smoother and easier. I got to help with turnover twice which I really loved. Not because I like to clean things, despite what you may think but because I got to hang out with the other year long interns. I have really liked getting to know them and bonding with all of them has been awesome.
   
      We had our summer planning meeting this morning and we got a taste of what summer is actually going to look like. Ya know, I don't think it's going to be that bad as I thought. Tuesday is my day off, I think I'll get off in time Wednesday to watch tableau or at least part of that night, and my hours the other days aren't so bad. Plus I get to interact a lot with the head leaders and the rest of the assignment team which I am actually pretty excited about. I like details, and I like being able to help. I'm a helper it's what I do. And now that I actually know what I'm doing around the office I feel a lot more confident being one of the main go to people in the office and around camp. We've had a couple camps in the last couple weeks so it's kinda been a small dry run before summer hits. All the yearlongs are on their summer rotations, and Jenna's here! She's another summer, she'll be on the waterfront. Plus the other summer interns are only days away! Some, well one (Brett on ropes), will come on Thursday for training for Certified Operators and then the rest come 2 days later! Plus after that we have work week then helllloooo summer! I'm excited :)

The Office where I work

   
     So right now my job consists of the Adult Guest Program, Work Crew, a little help with summer staff and office duties including answering the phones and responding to emails and making 200 copies of the camp map. I really do like it though. I love the people I see in the office all the time, although I sometimes forget to hang out with the other interns but I'm sure once summer hits that it'll all work it self out. I mean hanging out with the interns is kinda written into my schedule, haha. I am excited to get to know everyone though. I have loved living with the girls and some of the summer interns have started talking to each other and I feel like I already know them! All I'm sayin is as much as I miss the Ranch and it will always be my home, and I'm excited for things to happen in Conway with Younglife at UCA.....
It's gonna be a good summer at SharpTop :)

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Lonely Night in Georgia

[ok so not really...]

    Blogging and pandora, what could go wrong? Well currently on my pandora station is Marc Broussard's song "Lonely Night in Georgia," and while I don't want to admit it, is kind of how I feel right now but on another level. This is the chours of the song...

"It's a lonely night in Georgia
And everything I do reminds me of being with you
It's a lonely night, but I'll be alright
'Cause I'm comin' on home, comin' on home to you..."

     Let me start by saying that I absolutley LOVE SharpTop Cove! Please, please don't get me wrong. I mean, it's a Younglife camp... what's not to love? The last week has been amazing and the community out here is awesome and I am so blessed to be able to be with these people for the next couple months and I am extremely excited to meet the future interns that will be joining me in the next couple weeks! This place is gorgeous, the people are amazing and you can feel Jesus alive and well in every nook and on every hill (yes ... this place is very hilly).

Here are 10 things that in my first week at SharpTop that I love about this place [trust me, there are more than 10...in no order...]:
   1. Sweet Tea - yall I don't know how I survived the first 21 years of my life without it and right now STC has got the sweeeeetest tea in town
   2. Rocking Chairs - there is at least 4 on EVERY porch, real ones, not green plastic ones, real ones! how great is that?
   3. Tee 18 Par 5 - so I'm kind of talking about the frisbee golf course right now meaning the location of Tee 18. It's my favorite spot on camp right outside the Bear Den on the corner of the deck that looks right over toward the Wheelhouse [club room]. There's a rocking chair and a great place to people watch, over look camp, talk to God, read, do homework and look at the stars.
   4. South Fork - This is where the girl interns live. It's a strange little cabin in the woods that not a lot of people know where it is but it's a home and it's our home! Which leads me to my next point.....
   5. Octavia, Dani, LeeAnn and Erin - These beautiful women are the STC yearlong girl interns, my roommates and my friends :) They have been so great welcoming me into their home and making me feel at home. I have had some great conversations with each of them already and I am so excited to get to know them more, especially Erin! and I say that because I actually haven't met her yet! She is my actual roomate and she has been in across the ocean for her brothers wedding since before I got here! So excited to meet you Erin!
   6. Housekeeping 2 - Housekeeping 2 is a golf cart on property. This particular golf cart use to belong to maintenance and they removed the govenor from this particular cart which now allows it go significantly faster.
   7. The Office - yes this is my job and where I get to spend the majority of the next couple months but I already love it. I love our little home and the women I work with and I even love hearing random laugher from guest services around the corner. It's where everyone comes for everything.
   8. You'll never go hungry - right now, we have access to the best food all the time. Our kitchen staff is amazing. nuff said.
   9. Brothers - Joe, Luke, Mike, Patrick and Brandon are the guy yearlongs here. I am not just mentioning them because I mentioned the girls but because they are true brothers in Christ. They are always asking me how I'm doing, if I need a ride back from the Mill, or just how my day was and how I'm adjusting to life at SharpTop.
   10. Georgia Stars - on a clear night like tonight, nothing beats the view of the stars in the middle of Jasper, GA.


     That being said.... I am still 3,000 miles away from home. I've never been homesick before but I guess there is a first time for everything. I miss the Northwest. I miss the Ranch. I miss thursday night line dancing. I miss tuesday night college group. I miss the OSU campus. I miss coffee culture. I miss being 4 hours away from my mom. I miss my roommates who watch survivor with me. I miss 9th & Circle dates. I miss the smell of Juniper once you turn onto the camp road. I miss knowing where everything is on property. I miss Condo 14. I miss the rock pile. I miss hot chocolate at the Khulman house. I miss unorganized untraditional club in the MU. I miss Bushwackers. I miss Eagles. I miss having people who are just as excited about your 5th pair of cowboy boots. I miss having a dance partner. I miss the rain. I miss the ocean. I miss Corvallis Goodwill. I miss Fred Meyer! I miss a lot of things but I do love this place and I do love the south and I do love God and I have to trust Him that this is where He wants me for a while. So while I do love it, sometimes it does feel like
"a lonely night in Georgia
And everything I do reminds me of being [back home]
It's a lonely night, but I'll be alright
'Cause I'm comin' on home, comin' on home to you [Jesus]"
 

HUMBLED [to say the least]

     First a little update...  I have been at my new home in Jasper, GA for about 4 days now and while I worked for a day and then we got a 3 day weekend because of Easter, I love it so much! I am so glad to be back on a property again, and while it's not the Canyon I know that we are here for the same purpose and I can't not wait to experience all that SharpTop Cove is in the coming months. It has it's own glory and magnificance that I can't put into words. Today was gorgeous and tomorrow I get to spend Easter with my new summer family :)

    Now for what's on the plate for tonight.... Every morning I have gotten in the habit of listening to a podcast either from Grace City Church in Corvallis, the Onyx House in Eugene or The Way from Solid Rock in Portland. Right now I am going through the 3 part (and famous) Loveology series from John Mark at The Way and this morning I was humbled to my knees and slapped in the face to say the least. I was on part 2 this morning and he was talking about how he believes there are "4 marks to a Godly relationship" and referred to the Song of Songs (Solomon) which is an ancient love poem between Solomon and his wife. The 4 things he is referring to are:
1. Pursuit 2. Passion 3. Purity and 4. Purpose.
     Now while I am not currently in a relationship, and most of you know was pretty hurt by the last one, the best time to learn about how to be in a Godly, loving, Christ centered relationship is now while I am single and maturing and preparing to someday be married rather than in the midst of one I have already screwed up. Now the first 3 marks that John Mark was talking about were awesome and jam packed with things right out of the Bible and so good to hear but not really something I haven't heard before or thought of. I'm not saying they were boring, they were awesome and did give me a little slap on the cheek saying "Hello Mcfly! Remember how you screwed up before? Use these words to not screw up the next one."....  but the last one, purpose had an element that knocked me to my knees in repentance and here's why.... Brendon and I dated too long. That's it. Plain and simple. We should have broken up probably a 1.5 if not 2 years earlier than we did. We were both too blind by sin we had let into our relationship to understand and see that we were not made for each other.
     Now here is where I am going to be completely honest with you guys, the entire time we were dating and even up until maybe this morning I had a sense of pride in myself that I thought I was better than him. I really don't know where it came from but if you were to ask me I would have believed that he was the one dating up. I would never admit it, even to myself but now I realize what it was. I thought I was so cool!! wow was I wrong! I thought I was better looking than he was, I thought I was more in shape than he was, I thought my social status was higher and I don't even know how you measure that by the way,  I thought I was more "on track with God" because I was a younglife leader and doing summer staff and in all these small groups and volunteered at the church, I had all these completely screwed up lies about how cool I thought I was and then it even carried on into the break up! I thought because I was the one who broke up with him that I was in better shape. I thought that I deserved to be the one to find another relationship first. I expected him to be fighting for me, wanting to get back together when in reality in ended up being me and I wasn't ok with that. I have no idea how but I had put myself on this pedestal thinking that I was better than him and the moment that another girl walked into his life before I had the chance to find someone else I fell even harder ever. It crushed me not because I still wanted to be with him (which is what I would have told you at the time) but because I thought that I should be first and why him? what good is he? But yall that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life.
     Brendon is a great man. He's worked incredibly hard for everything that he has, he holds a degree in Business Management with a minor in Sports Administration and one of the only people I know to complete in 4 years, he had built a company from scratch and is living his dream in the music industry making the details happen for not only a band that he believes in but 4 of his best friends. He comes from a great family and parents who love him, believe in him and loves each other and the Lord, he's caring and has the ability to make anybody feel safe, he loves his job and cares about his customers and the town he grew up in and has built him to the person and man he is today. Yeah he has his flaws but who doesn't? We're human. Today Brendon is engaged to be married to Bethany, a great girl who believes in him and is the love of his life, and while some (even me until recently) can say what they want about the age difference or the time line of events from our break up to their engagement but reality is he is worthy of someone to share his life with and so is she. We dated too long, we let sin enter the relationship blinding us from what needed to happen and my own pride destroyed us and me. I am glad that when he knew that she was the one God placed in his life, he acted on that. Each relationship needs to have a purpose and "what's your name" to "i do" does not need to take a bazillion years unless you absolutely have to.
     I know that for the next couple years God has put me in a position where finding a man is not on the "to do list." I need to focus on being the right person and letting that happen on His time, which I have a feeling won't be for a while but when it does, I don't want to "date" for years again. I have told a lot of people, and I am sorry for this, that I thought Brendon and Bethany are moving too fast but in all honestly I'm jealous. I want what he found and I know it's not going to be for a while because I have other things to do first and it yeah it's going to take me awhile to be ok with that but it's not up to me. I know I am going to be in Conway for a while finishing school and trying to build a new college ministry and I know eventually I want to serve as a yearlong intern at another property and that's my focus not a relationship and honestly it's going to be really hard!!!! I like being in a relationship and I think that's why God is saying "no, right now you are mine."
    So Brendon and Bethany, if either one of you ever sees this which I doubt you will but, I honesty and truly wish you the best in your life together. You were made for each other <3

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awake love until it so desires.....Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me" 
                                                                                                                - Song of Songs ch 2


Til the next new day ♥ ,

Welcome to Conway! [VIDEO BLOG]

Miss you all! 

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Sweet Diamond of the South

     Arkansas.
     The Natural State.
     The Diamond of the South.
      My Home.

     I have been in Arkansas for about 2 weeks now and I must say, I absolutely love it! I am surrounded by some awesome people and meeting some great kids and so excited to see what God has in store for College Younglife and just Younglife in general here in Conway! Conway kinda feels like Corvallis is away. It's a college town. I think it might be a little bigger than Corvallis actually. The first two weeks have been awesome. I've met some amazing kids and feel so at home in the younglife community. I also learned that for the last two years I have been backing out of assignments at the Canyon that would have led me to meet two of my really good friends now that both live here. It took the third assignment but either way God really wanted me to get here I guess. It's crazy when He wants someone in your life, no matter what they are going to be there.
    First off the house that I am staying in right now is amazing. The family that owns the house is incredible and so humble. They love the Lord and they love helping people who are on a mission to expand the Kingdom!
Every Sunday we have church, I've been going to this perspectives class with my friend. It's call Perspectives on the World Christian Movement. It's awesome! Afterwards we have our weekly Younglife leader meeting and I must say that if there is one thing that I look forward to every week it's Sunday nights. We go through a bible study together, worship and then talk about club the following night and just hang out really.
    Monday night is club. Right now we have two but they might be thrown together as one soon when the school system realigns itself soon. Club has been awesome. A lot different than club in Corvallis but it's more traditional which, sorry Corvallis, but is what I like. Program, songs, games and just great leaders loving on great kids.

    I really do love Arkansas. I went to Little Rock the other day and Fayetteville this last weekend but I absolutely love this state. I am official as well. I have an Arkansas drivers license and plates! I know this is where I need to be. I am excited to go to Sharptop for the summer as well. I am actually going out early and will be back for a weekend in early May but right now, they need me and I would love to get some experience under my belt before summer hits like a lightning strike! When I get back in the fall it's tower launch sequence engaged!! For College Younglife at UCA that is!!! I went to the All State Leader retreat the other weekend and was able to meet some awesome people who I know will become great dear friends for life and be able to help me with college stuff. It is a little strange telling people that I am an OSU student in the Ark but hey, it's a great conversation starter!


Til the next new day ♥ ,

I-5 to I-40

Hey yall,
sorry it's been so long, I don't have the internet at the place that I am staying at right now so I go to starbucks and steal theirs. Honestly there is another, and even better coffee shop that I could be going to but man if I can't get enough of that passion tea lemonade! And something about it feels familiar and at home so for all yall who protest the big name coffee chains... sorry, I'm gonna stay here for a while.
Well let's start with the drive shall we?!
I decided to go the long way across the country and it took me about 3 days of 15 hours of driving each! I honestly don't know how I did it.
I left Corvallis and went an hour south to hang out with some of my friends in Eugene for a day and say goodbye to them as well. Then I really started my journey.... Here are some memorable moments from glorious trip from Interstate 5 to Interstate 40 (also known as the modern day Route 66!!)

- Sunrise coming into California over the mountains, coming around the corner and seeing Mt. Shasta

- For those of you who don't know, I love bridges. Coming into Redding I stopped and saw the famous Sundial Bridge

- California is a really big state to drive in one day.... just saying. 

- Calling Adriana a little past the bay and singing "Forget You" on her voicemail 

- I stopped in Anaheim and woke up to the Happiest Place on Earth!!! It was kinda like torture though... I mean I could see Space Mountain... so close, yet so far away :( 

- Driving over the top of Arizona I was this close to finding Younglife's Lost Canyon at one point but decided to trek on. 

- I found the REAL London Bridge! Lake Havasu City, AZ

- I checked off something on my bucket list when I got to drive on the Historic Route 66 and drive through Kingman, AZ the Heart of Route 66 and the real life Radiator Springs! Depending on how long you've known me you can only imagine how excited I was :) 

- I didn't have time to get feathers before I left but I found a place in Amarillo, TX that did them! I was the first person (besides their staff) to come get them. Leave it to the NW!

- I was in Amarillo by Morning. :) 

- Watching the sunset over both Arizona and Oklahoma. 

- Talking to Andrew Pratt and having him tell me that when I got to OKC I had to take a detour to see the Sooner stadium... sorry Andrew. Maybe next time :)

- I stopped in Chekotah, OK, home to Carrie Underwood to get gas while playing the song "I ain't in Chekotah Anymore" and finding the Sonic and Lake Eufaula that are mentioned in the song. 

and finally....

- WELCOME TO ARKANSAS! 

I made it home!!!

Til the next new day ♥ ,