Learning to Love Different

     The last couple days I've been in an interesting mood. I love what I'm doing but to be honest I am getting worn out. But the strange thing is, I find my self getting worn out from being myself. I had a talk with my roommate last night about just feeling different and I am so encouraged to have her in my life to keep my head above water. But in all of it I am learning that each of us were made exactly the way we are for a reason even if people say other wise. I know who I am but it's about being fully ok with that. I was reading my friend Katie's blog today (as you all should) and the encouragement I get from her is unreal. When I go home she is one that I make sure to connect with and in more ways than she probably even knows I wouldn't be where I am today with out her and our other friends that took me in and built me up last year.
     But regardless this is who I and no matter the looks I get, the assumptions made, the jokes I am the butt of... I am trying, in the midst of a world completely different from my own yet wonderful in it's own way... to love what I really am.

     { I love country music. I am really good at laser tag. Painting calms me and I like giving them away more than ever trying to sell them. I am a Young Life leader. I am in love with Jesus and grateful for what He did for me. I have 3 brothers, 20, 20 & 10, two are twins, one is autistic. My name is JILLIAN and I tolerate but isn't really a fan of Jill. I hate it when people call me Julian. I will laugh at just about everything. Dancing is an outlet for me. I am a really hard worker. I am naturally loud. If you won't lead, I will, but sometimes you can't let me. I want to share how much Jesus is in love with them to just about every high school and college girl I meet. As much as I want a boyfriend... I don't. I love cuddling. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I usually always late, no matter how hard I try. I love musicals. I will dance in my house, in my car, and on the big stage. If I could teach everyone how to line dance, I would. I don't like Dave Matthews, the Avett Brothers or Adele and yes I still have a soul. I get defensive when people make fun of me. Most think I'm playing along but it really hurts. My interests are not the same of a lot of people. I love everything having to do with Disney. I think I'm pretty. I hate getting hit on at work or whistled at on the street. I love memorizing songs. I will rewrite something 20 times if I don't like my handwriting. I wish I could sing. I need words of encouragement. I love giving words of encouragement. When I say I love you, I mean it. My all time favorite song is "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield. I have seen almost every season of Survivor. I love watching the Bachelor. I want to run the Amazing Race. I wish I had the nerve to go audition for Disney. I love doing contact work on a college campus. I hate school. I don't understand big words. If I tell a lie long enough, I begin to believe it. I over book myself. Belle is my favorite princess. My favorite date would include a hot dog stand, swings and going out dancing that night. I miss Oregon. I love the South. I am scared that I am too restless. I don't like how loud I am sometimes. A strong lead on the dance floor will tell me a lot about who you are off the floor. I think dirty jokes are really funny but will shut down when you make fun of women. As much as I like to go my own way, I am a people pleaser. Sometimes I wish I could breakout into song. Sometimes I do. I wish I was a runner. I like being the center of attention but I don't always want to be, and sometimes I feel obligated to be. I love exploring Nashville. If no one wants to go with me, that's not going to stop me from going. I like other things besides country music. I like good beer. I miss happy hour at McMennamins. I love road trips. I like watching stuff blow up. There is no time better than football season. Go Cougs. Go Beavs. My heart lies in the Pac-12. I have the Sportcenter and pintrest app on my phone. I want to see the Blazers in April in memphis. I hate baseball but I love the sound of a crack of the bat. My birthday is July 6, 1989. I love being in love. I have had something taken from me that I will never get back. My testimony is victorious and still being written by my heavenly Father. I am loud. I will never stop dancing. I like to be silent. .... } 


And that is just the start of what I am learning to love.


Til the next new day ♥ ,