Saturday, March 31, 2012


     Freak of the Week fact about myself... I really like the sound a keyboard makes when you type on it. I remember in elementary school learning how to type and from then on every time I would walk by a computer I would type something, just to hear the sound it made. It was usually my name or a sentence like "i think the brown cow jumped over the fox and landed on the street." I know... I can be real creative sometimes. But I think that might be what I am doing now. Typing just to hear the sound of the keyboard.
     I just got back from a date night with the girls. We went to the new Buffalo Wild Wings in Conway (aka Buffalo aka BWW aka Bdubs aka The Place) and our original plan was to go see the Hunger Games (although I have already seen it) however the next three shows were all sold out! So we saw Mirror Mirror instead which is surprisingly really funny and pretty cute. We meet up with the guys afterwards at Zaza's.
     The last couple nights have been full of amazing community and fellowship and honestly just what the doctor ordered. I am a part of a new Missional Community through Fellowship Bible Church and our first night was so fun! I love conversations when we are ready to just be messy with everyone and share REAL life. We went from hilarious loud laughter to some of the most serious real talks I've had in a while. The last couple nights consisted of Family Dinner and a date to dinner and a movie with the Kaitlin and Bethany and then meeting up with the guys. Food. Friends. Fellowship. awesome.
     Community is so much more important than we think. We are meant to live life together and share life together. In Genesis God decided that it wasn't ok for Adam to be by himself. They went through every animal He had already created but none of them were right. That's when God made Eve. To be his friend, his helper, his lover. So neither one of them ever had to live life on their own. Now it's good to have personal time and refresh and recharge and have quiet time with you and the Lord but we are more tempted and easy to fall if we are our own accountability.
     For a good portion of my life it felt like the world was telling me that I had to do what we called "life" all by myself because no one else cared. Such a lie.
     I've been pretty homesick lately and missing Thursday nights dancing, cooking dinner for the "Bubs", hanging out at Katie, Shan and Adriana's, Sunday adventures with Hannah, Grace City Church, and just the people back home who were my community and know me really really well. And even though I might only be in Conway for a little while getting involved in community here and now is so important to my well being. No matter where you are, even if it's only for a short time, get involved. Get plugged in. Get in a Church where you are and not just waiting to go home for the weekend. Seek friends and community where you are in the here and now. Til the next new day ♥ ,

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

She gets me

     Last year as my internship at SharpTop Cove was coming to an end, I needed to find a place to live when I got back to Conway. With one of our leaders deciding at camp last year that she was going to move to Fayetteville, that left two people without roommates... myself and Jordan. So we decided to live together. Honestly we didn't know each other that well.. if at all when we made this decision but God brought us under the same roof for a reason. We clicked immediatley and get stressed out about when we haven't seen each other for more than 12 hours! She is like a sister that I never had and I am so thankful that she is in my life.
     There are a few people in this world that I can say really know me and who I am, who I was and the path that I have taken and sadly, most of them live 3,000 miles away. Most but one. Jordan understands where I am coming from, we have had to deal with a lot of the same issues growing up and even in the last year weather it be family, boys, school or who knows. Finding a friend who understands you, like really understands you is few and far between and I am so thankful to be roommates with this one :)

     We understand each other. We get our hurt and pain, and we understand what makes us laugh and smile, which helps in the fact that we are both just a little strange, but we're strange together! I can always count on Saturday morning adventures, usually to a flea market or a picnic at the park and conversations somewhere along the lines of...
         ME: Hey whatever happened to Aaron Carter?
         JORDAN: I don't know, I haven't heard from him since his parents left and he had that party.

  and constantly asking each other... "someone will love us one day right?"

     The other day she came to little rock to visit me at work and said she found a present for me. I thought it was from the Zoo since I was unable to go with her and Keirstin that day but oh no... even better!

I told you... she knows me! 

     Last night I came home from work to find her lying on our living room floor under the stars. yep we have an indoor star machine. We call it the Astrostar. I laughed, grabbed two popsicles out of the fridge and joined her. The rest of the night included us listening to the backstreet boys under the stars, building a fort out of blankets in our living room, watching Airplane, having real talk and a sleepover in our amazing fort that will probably last for the rest of Spring Break. 

     Some times I swear we are like an old married couple, especially when I get texts saying "let me know when you are on your way home so I can put dinner in the oven." 

I'm telling ya, I wouldn't trade her for the world!

Love you Jordan!!!

Til the next new day ♥ ,

Saturday, March 10, 2012


     Congrats to all my friends who are ready move to the next chapter of their lives! Right now the count is at 31 but the rate they are going, I am sure it will continue to grow soon.  So congratulations everyone on your ENGAGEMENTS!!!! (I guess it's just that time!)

Katia Jainga-Longergan & Josh Tyson
Kari Foss & Chris Williams 
Bryan Janzing & Geneva
Rachel Nisbet & Stephen Stenberg
Adriana Jasso & Ryan Derrah
Laura Ford & Brett Sauer
Brett Eckler & Autum
Kelsey Martin & Darrick Stiff
Annalise Nickelberry & Thanh
Bucca & Lindsay
Kelsey Silver & Carter
Nicky Gowen & Mary 
Brittany Ivey & Jonathan Goins
Robyn Walsh & Tex Piper 
David Keniston & Jenni Olsen
Hannah Beth Dixon & Josh
Jeff Gratreak & Kelsey
Jacob VanBemmel & Lauren Bell
Morgan Loux & Sam
Beebo Russell & Hannah
Missy Austin & Jess
Sam Heilig & Rachel 
Jordan Gerding & Rachel 
Kevin Petermeyer & Karen
Amy Schafer & DJ 
Mark Hoffman & Lindsey
Kenneth Ernst & Anna Edmonds
Jessie Denning & Tim
Shelby Douglass & Collin
Thea Lynn & Matt
Jenna Logan & Kyle
Melissa Randich & Ali 
Til the next new day ♥ ,

Learning to Love Different

     The last couple days I've been in an interesting mood. I love what I'm doing but to be honest I am getting worn out. But the strange thing is, I find my self getting worn out from being myself. I had a talk with my roommate last night about just feeling different and I am so encouraged to have her in my life to keep my head above water. But in all of it I am learning that each of us were made exactly the way we are for a reason even if people say other wise. I know who I am but it's about being fully ok with that. I was reading my friend Katie's blog today (as you all should) and the encouragement I get from her is unreal. When I go home she is one that I make sure to connect with and in more ways than she probably even knows I wouldn't be where I am today with out her and our other friends that took me in and built me up last year.
     But regardless this is who I and no matter the looks I get, the assumptions made, the jokes I am the butt of... I am trying, in the midst of a world completely different from my own yet wonderful in it's own way... to love what I really am.

     { I love country music. I am really good at laser tag. Painting calms me and I like giving them away more than ever trying to sell them. I am a Young Life leader. I am in love with Jesus and grateful for what He did for me. I have 3 brothers, 20, 20 & 10, two are twins, one is autistic. My name is JILLIAN and I tolerate but isn't really a fan of Jill. I hate it when people call me Julian. I will laugh at just about everything. Dancing is an outlet for me. I am a really hard worker. I am naturally loud. If you won't lead, I will, but sometimes you can't let me. I want to share how much Jesus is in love with them to just about every high school and college girl I meet. As much as I want a boyfriend... I don't. I love cuddling. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I usually always late, no matter how hard I try. I love musicals. I will dance in my house, in my car, and on the big stage. If I could teach everyone how to line dance, I would. I don't like Dave Matthews, the Avett Brothers or Adele and yes I still have a soul. I get defensive when people make fun of me. Most think I'm playing along but it really hurts. My interests are not the same of a lot of people. I love everything having to do with Disney. I think I'm pretty. I hate getting hit on at work or whistled at on the street. I love memorizing songs. I will rewrite something 20 times if I don't like my handwriting. I wish I could sing. I need words of encouragement. I love giving words of encouragement. When I say I love you, I mean it. My all time favorite song is "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield. I have seen almost every season of Survivor. I love watching the Bachelor. I want to run the Amazing Race. I wish I had the nerve to go audition for Disney. I love doing contact work on a college campus. I hate school. I don't understand big words. If I tell a lie long enough, I begin to believe it. I over book myself. Belle is my favorite princess. My favorite date would include a hot dog stand, swings and going out dancing that night. I miss Oregon. I love the South. I am scared that I am too restless. I don't like how loud I am sometimes. A strong lead on the dance floor will tell me a lot about who you are off the floor. I think dirty jokes are really funny but will shut down when you make fun of women. As much as I like to go my own way, I am a people pleaser. Sometimes I wish I could breakout into song. Sometimes I do. I wish I was a runner. I like being the center of attention but I don't always want to be, and sometimes I feel obligated to be. I love exploring Nashville. If no one wants to go with me, that's not going to stop me from going. I like other things besides country music. I like good beer. I miss happy hour at McMennamins. I love road trips. I like watching stuff blow up. There is no time better than football season. Go Cougs. Go Beavs. My heart lies in the Pac-12. I have the Sportcenter and pintrest app on my phone. I want to see the Blazers in April in memphis. I hate baseball but I love the sound of a crack of the bat. My birthday is July 6, 1989. I love being in love. I have had something taken from me that I will never get back. My testimony is victorious and still being written by my heavenly Father. I am loud. I will never stop dancing. I like to be silent. .... } 

And that is just the start of what I am learning to love.

Til the next new day ♥ ,