Saturday, March 10, 2012

Learning to Love Different

     The last couple days I've been in an interesting mood. I love what I'm doing but to be honest I am getting worn out. But the strange thing is, I find my self getting worn out from being myself. I had a talk with my roommate last night about just feeling different and I am so encouraged to have her in my life to keep my head above water. But in all of it I am learning that each of us were made exactly the way we are for a reason even if people say other wise. I know who I am but it's about being fully ok with that. I was reading my friend Katie's blog today (as you all should) and the encouragement I get from her is unreal. When I go home she is one that I make sure to connect with and in more ways than she probably even knows I wouldn't be where I am today with out her and our other friends that took me in and built me up last year.
     But regardless this is who I and no matter the looks I get, the assumptions made, the jokes I am the butt of... I am trying, in the midst of a world completely different from my own yet wonderful in it's own way... to love what I really am.

     { I love country music. I am really good at laser tag. Painting calms me and I like giving them away more than ever trying to sell them. I am a Young Life leader. I am in love with Jesus and grateful for what He did for me. I have 3 brothers, 20, 20 & 10, two are twins, one is autistic. My name is JILLIAN and I tolerate but isn't really a fan of Jill. I hate it when people call me Julian. I will laugh at just about everything. Dancing is an outlet for me. I am a really hard worker. I am naturally loud. If you won't lead, I will, but sometimes you can't let me. I want to share how much Jesus is in love with them to just about every high school and college girl I meet. As much as I want a boyfriend... I don't. I love cuddling. My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. I usually always late, no matter how hard I try. I love musicals. I will dance in my house, in my car, and on the big stage. If I could teach everyone how to line dance, I would. I don't like Dave Matthews, the Avett Brothers or Adele and yes I still have a soul. I get defensive when people make fun of me. Most think I'm playing along but it really hurts. My interests are not the same of a lot of people. I love everything having to do with Disney. I think I'm pretty. I hate getting hit on at work or whistled at on the street. I love memorizing songs. I will rewrite something 20 times if I don't like my handwriting. I wish I could sing. I need words of encouragement. I love giving words of encouragement. When I say I love you, I mean it. My all time favorite song is "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield. I have seen almost every season of Survivor. I love watching the Bachelor. I want to run the Amazing Race. I wish I had the nerve to go audition for Disney. I love doing contact work on a college campus. I hate school. I don't understand big words. If I tell a lie long enough, I begin to believe it. I over book myself. Belle is my favorite princess. My favorite date would include a hot dog stand, swings and going out dancing that night. I miss Oregon. I love the South. I am scared that I am too restless. I don't like how loud I am sometimes. A strong lead on the dance floor will tell me a lot about who you are off the floor. I think dirty jokes are really funny but will shut down when you make fun of women. As much as I like to go my own way, I am a people pleaser. Sometimes I wish I could breakout into song. Sometimes I do. I wish I was a runner. I like being the center of attention but I don't always want to be, and sometimes I feel obligated to be. I love exploring Nashville. If no one wants to go with me, that's not going to stop me from going. I like other things besides country music. I like good beer. I miss happy hour at McMennamins. I love road trips. I like watching stuff blow up. There is no time better than football season. Go Cougs. Go Beavs. My heart lies in the Pac-12. I have the Sportcenter and pintrest app on my phone. I want to see the Blazers in April in memphis. I hate baseball but I love the sound of a crack of the bat. My birthday is July 6, 1989. I love being in love. I have had something taken from me that I will never get back. My testimony is victorious and still being written by my heavenly Father. I am loud. I will never stop dancing. I like to be silent. .... } 

And that is just the start of what I am learning to love.

Til the next new day ♥ ,

1 comment:

  1. AHHHH Jill! I love you so much! This just warmed my heart. Thank you for sharing your heart. You are so special and SOOO beautiful, that you are an inspiration to those around you. Thank you for being who you are, pleaseeeeee don't change that. ps. I liked the line "if I tell a lie long enough, I start to believe it." I do that too! haha. ughhh we are not perfect, but Jesus loves us anyways. Love you