Sunday, November 20, 2011

I am my biggest fear

Literally, I think I scare myself more than anything else in this world. Even snakes. Which I will say spending the summer in the north hills of lovely Georgia where the humid heat of the deep south brought out a good plethora of rattlers, copperheads and water moccasin's helped me a little in getting use to God's worse idea ever but they still make me want to cry. But even after all that, I think I take the cake of my own biggest fear.
The way my mind races sometimes and causes me to do things before actually thinking about anything that is going on freaks me out. Sometimes I can catch myself but most of the time it's sitting there thinking after the fact "not your best move Jill."
Why can't I think of that BEFORE I want to dig a whole of embarrassment and bury myself alive in it?
I think of the worse and always focus on the future...the not anywhere near future... rather than being concerned with where I am now. Today. This minute in time.
Last night was fun. It was a much needed night out with two of my best girl friends at a concert on the wonderful River Market in Little Rock. We jammed out to some Hunter Hayes and watched at our beloved Razorbacks got moved to the #3 seat in country (not to mention watching the Ducks loose is always a good time in my book) and had a great time. But something else happened last night that threw me for a loop. I won't go into detail as to really what it was because well, personally it doesn't need to be broadcasted over the internet but the lesson behind that I am ok with I think.
I am fairly confident in who I am, how I look and who God made me to be in my heart and my appearance. Especially being a girl, feeling confident in how you look and going as far as to say "I think I am pretty" is flat out hard to do. Let's face it, most of us are insecure about our bodies and when we admit that we like how we look there are some people that take it as being conceded and full of ourselves. But just when you think you are ok and you are worth something and worth someone .... something else happens that makes you second guess everything you just gained. You doubt yourself and second guess who you are and forget that who you are the princess you were made to be is determined by God and nothing else. And no ONE else for that matter.
I forgot this last night. I wish I didn't but I did. I couldn't even focus on enjoying the concert to the fullest because I was so distracted and forgetting that I am worth it. That is why I scare myself.
Girls please do not loose focus on who you are and what you are made to be.

"There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." 1 John 4:7-21

Here's some Hunter Hayes since y'all couldn't be at the concert with me :) 

Til the next new day ♥ ,


  1. okkkkk... This is creepy!!! I was working on burning my Hunter Hayes CD for you! I should have known you already were all over his music. Goodness.. I listen to him every day. I miss you.

  2. P.S. You are beautiful inside and OUT! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, or I'll get 'em!