Sunday, August 21, 2011

Forgotten or Desired

     Pictures were posted the other day. And if you've known me for a while now you might know what pictures I am talking about. He's blocked and so is she but that doesn't stop mutual friends (or even their photographer) from posting them all over facebook. It happened not even a year later. I would like to say that I'm fine. I would like to say that I'm ok but that would be lying. Part of me is happy for them. Part of me started crying. Part of me is glad that they found each other but another part of me just feels forgotten. It's not anything really against them, and everyone (including their photographer) has every right to post evidence of their friends celebration. I know it's nothing but the enemy but I just didn't know I was that easily forgotten.

   I live in central Arkansas now. I left everything I have ever known and put it in my car and moved it across the country. I had a conversation with a friend the other day and it was the first time that it actually hit me that I live 3,000 miles away and I have no idea what is happening in the PNW. I thought I have tried to keep in contact with people but apparently not that well. I miss a lot of people and as Conway hasn't really started to fill with college students yet it can get a little lonely at times especially after realizing that I am once again starting over. I do this to myself ya know. And I do have a great community surrounding me and is excited about life and getting Young Life rolling in central Arkansas both in Conway and North Little Rock and I must say, I am excited as well. College Life is getting started and Wednesday we have our first College Life outing I guess you can call it. We already know a handful of students and I am so excited to get the ball rolling with UCA, Hendrix and the Conway High Wampus Cats! (I am still trying to figure out what a Wampus cat is btw).

     I guess it just didn't hit me until now that life moves on. Even when I am gone, every time I move, life moves on. I think I am here to stay for though. At least for a while. My friends at camp use to joke about why it took me this long to move to the south and honestly I don't know. I do love it here - minus the humidity. And it makes it that much more exciting to go visit! I will be back in OR in less than a month for a couple weddings which despite who I know who I am going to run into I cannot be more excited for my friends. I know I am going to run into my old life. My old group of friends. The ones I don't really talk to anymore but for a good portion of my time in Corvallis, my life revolved around them. We had a reason we hung out and after that reason was gone ... it was gone. They are still all great people but you know how it is, awkward.
     It was drilled into me in high school that the greatest need of the human heart is to be understood. I would argue that the second greatest need is to be desired. We all want someone to want us. Make us feel important. Special. Beautiful. Needed. We want someone to be thinking about us when they are out of town. Call us. Remember us. Say our name. It is said that the greatest sound the ear can hear is it's own name. Having someone say your name is special. They know you. They acknowledge you. They remember who you are. Every time I meet someone for the second time I always reintroduce myself not because I forgot that we already met but because I assume that they don't remember meeting me. More often than not however I stand corrected and looking a little embarrassed. But I can't help but error on the side of "what if they don't remember me?"

    Anyway, new realizations come with a new life and I know there are pleanty of people who I love and cherish deeply who are desiring a relationship with me. The most important being God. My Lord. My Savior. My Truth. My Light. My Strength. My Everything. I have my cardboard testimony up on my wall still reminding me that I am:
 "Desired and Pursued by God. Innocent Again."
and that is how I will forever be. Not forgotten. Not lost. But forever desired.
Til the next new day ♥ ,

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