Week 1 [6 buses and a wobble]

     So I know that I have been here for a little over a month now, almost 2 really but this isn't talking about the first week I am here. Ladies and Gentlemen, SharpTop Cove has just completed Week 1 of our 10 week Younglife summer session! I can say now that after I have the first week under my belt I feel a lot more confident in what to expect and what is going on in my job and just how a different camp runs things. The beginning of the week was stressful. I can honestly say that I didn't want to be here. I felt overwhelmed, lonely and homesick more than I ever have before. Not to mention that the night before campers came in I had a dream that there was a crash on the driveway. Every day 1 I am the air traffic controller responsible for turning our driveway into a one way road to navigate buses in and out of camp on a two mile long drive way with about thirty seven or so twists and turns and ups and downs and timing it just right so that each area and each camper feels like they were the first and only one to ever enter SharpTop Cove. Miraculously my head leaders are amazing and they did every thing in their power to keep me calm and walk me through how this was going to look like and they were all a good portion of comic relief but patient and kind in wanting the same goal of getting these kids into camp but also in a way that I would still walk out of here with my sanity. No body crashed though and everyone got in.
   
     Watching this first group of kids come in was amazing. This is why I do younglife. I defiantly have always loved being on a property but I can tell in myself that I was meant for the field. I cry during the camp video when I see these kids smiling and laughing and having the best week of their life and understanding the reasons behind why we sing Miley Cyrus in club and why we do things like Pool Olympics starts in the field. I would love to be on an assignment every summer from now til the day I die, but ultimately I think right now at least I know God is calling me to the field. I have realized something though being on a property that is in a city..... a few of the staff here are all leaders in Pickins County. You can do both! So, ya know that is an option too.
 
      As for the rest of week 1 we taught Drew Holcomb and the program team how to wobble with the help of the Earle's Girls. This dance has kind of become an anthem for the session at least, we'll see what happens next session. If you want, which you should, the video of the wobble night is on my facebook. It's hilarious!  Ellie is one of the funniest people I have  met and a great role model for a ton of girls that come through SharpTop. I had never heard of them before this assignment but I can honestly say that I love both of them as people and friends and am completely in love with their music. I have loved getting to know them this week and looking forward to interacting with them more as the session goes on, we will all miss them when this is over.


     Being able to go to club has been awesome, listening to James Rockwell go through the club talks that I have heard a bazillion times before is a great reminder as to why I am involved in this ministry. It's going "back to the basics" so to speak. ... and yes I have a goal to read that book before summer ends.

     All in all, now that I have Week 1 out of 10 under my belt, I am starting to feel more confident and at home not only in my job and at SharpTop. Don't get me wrong I still miss the PNW and the Washington Family Ranch but I am excited for my friends who are up there this summer and I am even more excited for the summer that I am going to have here! I am surrounded my a great community and an even greater group of sisters that I am just now starting to realize. I would do anything for these girls and despite all the creatures that we have found (a mice, a bazillion little moths, a few hundred teradactyl size months, a couple frogs and toads, two spiders the size of a sandal, a baby scorpion, oh yeah and evil mr. rattlesnake that was right out side our door that we had Mike come kill before anyone would go outside) South Fork is a pretty great place to live with all of them :)

I was hollow and closed, in the morning i could not see.
 Your beloved goodness rained itself out on me. 
I raged against You like a river on a stone. 
But against that tidal wave, i am overthrown.

Mercy, Mercy, 
Mercy, Mercy.

well i was tossed in the wealthy and leaning on myself.
I played that religion card; i put Jesus on a shelf. 
Born into darkness i kept putting off the grave. 
So yeah, thinking my own goodness could get me through heaven's gates.


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy

I beg You to come and take away all my ancient fears. 
This bloodied history we all cling onto so dear. 
All around me was a blinded fantasy.
The truth in the mirror of a foul vanity.


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy

You walk upon heaven, You walked upon the earth.
You brought me my salvation; for me, a second birth. 
You took my broken cross up to cavalry. 
You sang my redemption song, well hang it on my tree


Mercy, Mercy
Mercy, Mercy




Til the next new day ♥ ,

Lonely Night in Georgia

[ok so not really...]

    Blogging and pandora, what could go wrong? Well currently on my pandora station is Marc Broussard's song "Lonely Night in Georgia," and while I don't want to admit it, is kind of how I feel right now but on another level. This is the chours of the song...

"It's a lonely night in Georgia
And everything I do reminds me of being with you
It's a lonely night, but I'll be alright
'Cause I'm comin' on home, comin' on home to you..."

     Let me start by saying that I absolutley LOVE SharpTop Cove! Please, please don't get me wrong. I mean, it's a Younglife camp... what's not to love? The last week has been amazing and the community out here is awesome and I am so blessed to be able to be with these people for the next couple months and I am extremely excited to meet the future interns that will be joining me in the next couple weeks! This place is gorgeous, the people are amazing and you can feel Jesus alive and well in every nook and on every hill (yes ... this place is very hilly).

Here are 10 things that in my first week at SharpTop that I love about this place [trust me, there are more than 10...in no order...]:
   1. Sweet Tea - yall I don't know how I survived the first 21 years of my life without it and right now STC has got the sweeeeetest tea in town
   2. Rocking Chairs - there is at least 4 on EVERY porch, real ones, not green plastic ones, real ones! how great is that?
   3. Tee 18 Par 5 - so I'm kind of talking about the frisbee golf course right now meaning the location of Tee 18. It's my favorite spot on camp right outside the Bear Den on the corner of the deck that looks right over toward the Wheelhouse [club room]. There's a rocking chair and a great place to people watch, over look camp, talk to God, read, do homework and look at the stars.
   4. South Fork - This is where the girl interns live. It's a strange little cabin in the woods that not a lot of people know where it is but it's a home and it's our home! Which leads me to my next point.....
   5. Octavia, Dani, LeeAnn and Erin - These beautiful women are the STC yearlong girl interns, my roommates and my friends :) They have been so great welcoming me into their home and making me feel at home. I have had some great conversations with each of them already and I am so excited to get to know them more, especially Erin! and I say that because I actually haven't met her yet! She is my actual roomate and she has been in across the ocean for her brothers wedding since before I got here! So excited to meet you Erin!
   6. Housekeeping 2 - Housekeeping 2 is a golf cart on property. This particular golf cart use to belong to maintenance and they removed the govenor from this particular cart which now allows it go significantly faster.
   7. The Office - yes this is my job and where I get to spend the majority of the next couple months but I already love it. I love our little home and the women I work with and I even love hearing random laugher from guest services around the corner. It's where everyone comes for everything.
   8. You'll never go hungry - right now, we have access to the best food all the time. Our kitchen staff is amazing. nuff said.
   9. Brothers - Joe, Luke, Mike, Patrick and Brandon are the guy yearlongs here. I am not just mentioning them because I mentioned the girls but because they are true brothers in Christ. They are always asking me how I'm doing, if I need a ride back from the Mill, or just how my day was and how I'm adjusting to life at SharpTop.
   10. Georgia Stars - on a clear night like tonight, nothing beats the view of the stars in the middle of Jasper, GA.


     That being said.... I am still 3,000 miles away from home. I've never been homesick before but I guess there is a first time for everything. I miss the Northwest. I miss the Ranch. I miss thursday night line dancing. I miss tuesday night college group. I miss the OSU campus. I miss coffee culture. I miss being 4 hours away from my mom. I miss my roommates who watch survivor with me. I miss 9th & Circle dates. I miss the smell of Juniper once you turn onto the camp road. I miss knowing where everything is on property. I miss Condo 14. I miss the rock pile. I miss hot chocolate at the Khulman house. I miss unorganized untraditional club in the MU. I miss Bushwackers. I miss Eagles. I miss having people who are just as excited about your 5th pair of cowboy boots. I miss having a dance partner. I miss the rain. I miss the ocean. I miss Corvallis Goodwill. I miss Fred Meyer! I miss a lot of things but I do love this place and I do love the south and I do love God and I have to trust Him that this is where He wants me for a while. So while I do love it, sometimes it does feel like
"a lonely night in Georgia
And everything I do reminds me of being [back home]
It's a lonely night, but I'll be alright
'Cause I'm comin' on home, comin' on home to you [Jesus]"
 

HUMBLED [to say the least]

     First a little update...  I have been at my new home in Jasper, GA for about 4 days now and while I worked for a day and then we got a 3 day weekend because of Easter, I love it so much! I am so glad to be back on a property again, and while it's not the Canyon I know that we are here for the same purpose and I can't not wait to experience all that SharpTop Cove is in the coming months. It has it's own glory and magnificance that I can't put into words. Today was gorgeous and tomorrow I get to spend Easter with my new summer family :)

    Now for what's on the plate for tonight.... Every morning I have gotten in the habit of listening to a podcast either from Grace City Church in Corvallis, the Onyx House in Eugene or The Way from Solid Rock in Portland. Right now I am going through the 3 part (and famous) Loveology series from John Mark at The Way and this morning I was humbled to my knees and slapped in the face to say the least. I was on part 2 this morning and he was talking about how he believes there are "4 marks to a Godly relationship" and referred to the Song of Songs (Solomon) which is an ancient love poem between Solomon and his wife. The 4 things he is referring to are:
1. Pursuit 2. Passion 3. Purity and 4. Purpose.
     Now while I am not currently in a relationship, and most of you know was pretty hurt by the last one, the best time to learn about how to be in a Godly, loving, Christ centered relationship is now while I am single and maturing and preparing to someday be married rather than in the midst of one I have already screwed up. Now the first 3 marks that John Mark was talking about were awesome and jam packed with things right out of the Bible and so good to hear but not really something I haven't heard before or thought of. I'm not saying they were boring, they were awesome and did give me a little slap on the cheek saying "Hello Mcfly! Remember how you screwed up before? Use these words to not screw up the next one."....  but the last one, purpose had an element that knocked me to my knees in repentance and here's why.... Brendon and I dated too long. That's it. Plain and simple. We should have broken up probably a 1.5 if not 2 years earlier than we did. We were both too blind by sin we had let into our relationship to understand and see that we were not made for each other.
     Now here is where I am going to be completely honest with you guys, the entire time we were dating and even up until maybe this morning I had a sense of pride in myself that I thought I was better than him. I really don't know where it came from but if you were to ask me I would have believed that he was the one dating up. I would never admit it, even to myself but now I realize what it was. I thought I was so cool!! wow was I wrong! I thought I was better looking than he was, I thought I was more in shape than he was, I thought my social status was higher and I don't even know how you measure that by the way,  I thought I was more "on track with God" because I was a younglife leader and doing summer staff and in all these small groups and volunteered at the church, I had all these completely screwed up lies about how cool I thought I was and then it even carried on into the break up! I thought because I was the one who broke up with him that I was in better shape. I thought that I deserved to be the one to find another relationship first. I expected him to be fighting for me, wanting to get back together when in reality in ended up being me and I wasn't ok with that. I have no idea how but I had put myself on this pedestal thinking that I was better than him and the moment that another girl walked into his life before I had the chance to find someone else I fell even harder ever. It crushed me not because I still wanted to be with him (which is what I would have told you at the time) but because I thought that I should be first and why him? what good is he? But yall that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life.
     Brendon is a great man. He's worked incredibly hard for everything that he has, he holds a degree in Business Management with a minor in Sports Administration and one of the only people I know to complete in 4 years, he had built a company from scratch and is living his dream in the music industry making the details happen for not only a band that he believes in but 4 of his best friends. He comes from a great family and parents who love him, believe in him and loves each other and the Lord, he's caring and has the ability to make anybody feel safe, he loves his job and cares about his customers and the town he grew up in and has built him to the person and man he is today. Yeah he has his flaws but who doesn't? We're human. Today Brendon is engaged to be married to Bethany, a great girl who believes in him and is the love of his life, and while some (even me until recently) can say what they want about the age difference or the time line of events from our break up to their engagement but reality is he is worthy of someone to share his life with and so is she. We dated too long, we let sin enter the relationship blinding us from what needed to happen and my own pride destroyed us and me. I am glad that when he knew that she was the one God placed in his life, he acted on that. Each relationship needs to have a purpose and "what's your name" to "i do" does not need to take a bazillion years unless you absolutely have to.
     I know that for the next couple years God has put me in a position where finding a man is not on the "to do list." I need to focus on being the right person and letting that happen on His time, which I have a feeling won't be for a while but when it does, I don't want to "date" for years again. I have told a lot of people, and I am sorry for this, that I thought Brendon and Bethany are moving too fast but in all honestly I'm jealous. I want what he found and I know it's not going to be for a while because I have other things to do first and it yeah it's going to take me awhile to be ok with that but it's not up to me. I know I am going to be in Conway for a while finishing school and trying to build a new college ministry and I know eventually I want to serve as a yearlong intern at another property and that's my focus not a relationship and honestly it's going to be really hard!!!! I like being in a relationship and I think that's why God is saying "no, right now you are mine."
    So Brendon and Bethany, if either one of you ever sees this which I doubt you will but, I honesty and truly wish you the best in your life together. You were made for each other <3

"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awake love until it so desires.....Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me" 
                                                                                                                - Song of Songs ch 2


Til the next new day ♥ ,

Dear WFR,

     I know I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to all of you before I left but I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to come out the last couple years and every time welcoming me with open arms and becoming a real family to me. That place is home to me and where my whole story starts. Before you even knew me ya'll watched me accept Christ into my heart and start to become the girl that God wants me to be. Thanks to another great friend of yours I was able to start and continue an amazing relationship with that place and all of you, past and present :) You guys have seen me in my all time high and my unbearable brokenness and all in all leading to victory. I am so blessed and thankful to have been considered part of the family out there and to have been able to help and serve in literally almost every position I could! (I counted the other day and I think ODC is the only thing I can't check off my list... lol although I did kinda help dig a ditch at work week for a little bit with the Khulman girls haha)
     The work and life experience is something that I will never forget from my time at WFR and there is NO WAY I could forget any of you! I mean c'mon, this is Younglife after all, it's not like it's gonna be forever! It kinda feels like that though. Man I'm sure going to miss you guys, I love how Craig always referred to me as "Off-Property Staff," and just the love that I felt every time I came out knowing I was going to get to see some of the best people in my life. I am serious when I say that you guys have become part of my family. You guys have helped me through a lot and without knowing taught me so much. Some of you I have known for the last couple years and don't know what I would do without you and some of you I only met this year but am so blessed to call you guys my family and friends.
     I am excited for this next phase in my life and I know that a lot of you guys helped me get to where I am now.  I'm so excited for Sharptop and everything that is coming ahead and shoot!! I'm pumped for you guys!! You have an awesome group of interns on your hands and a whole new camp coming in! Words cannot express how excited I am about not only Creekside but the great things coming in at Canyon as well. I expect to get updates btw haha. Alright well I think you guys get the picture, although it hasn't really set in yet that I'm not coming back out there in 2 weeks but sadly, but great at same time, it's true. So.... Everyone, i love you and thanks for every thing :) I promise to keep you updated :)

Love,
♥ ,

This is Me

    As the last couple things start to fall in line for my moving to the south and starting a new life I can't help but have a overwhelming peace about it knowing that "this is ME!" I couldn't be any more excited to drive across the country and find out what God's got planned for me there :)
     I got my acceptance packet for Sharptop Cove the other day and using email addresses of the other people it got sent to, myself and some of the other interns this summer were able to find each other on Facebook (yes I brought it back lol). I already feel like these people are my friends and I haven't even spoken one word to them (well physically). I know that without a doubt this is where I am suppose to be this summer. As much as I will miss being at the ranch I know that neath those Georgia woods is where I need to be!
     All of this originally started with a joke of commuting 2,000 miles to lead Younglife but wow does God have a way of working,.... it's becoming a reality, a really real reality and I couldn't feel more "at home" about this decision.
     I had my last Monday night pool with Shannon, Thomas and Jonathan... my last line dance with the Eagles crew....my last walk around the Oregon State campus... my last Yogurt Extreme... my last Beaver game at Reser stadium (in the fall)... this weekend will be the last time I'll be at the Washington Family Ranch for college work week... you know what is really cool about that thought? The week I became committed to the Lord was my first week at camp after my senior year of high school. It was the very first thing I ever did in Oregon at WFR and the speaker was a guy named Kent McDonald. The very last thing that I am doing in Oregon is college work week at WFR and the speaker this weekend is a guy names Kent McDonald. I haven't heard his name since that first week and I am stoked! He has no idea who I am but I will probably have to restrain myself from bull rushing him when I see him this weekend. Crazy huh? It's like God planned it or something ;)
     Well, I should get some rest but know that things are happening, God is moving and I know that without a doubt, this is me and this is where I need to be... and I'm not even there yet!

This is real 

This is me

I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be and now

Gonna let the light

Shine on me

Now I've found who I am 

There's no way to hold it in

No more hiding who I want to be

This is me!!!!

[DEMI LOVATO]

"Therefore my dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you will shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life..." [PHILIPPIANS 2:12-16]




Til the next new day ♥ ,

Reality Sinking In

     p.s. (OK I know this is the beginning of the message but oh well..) if anyone is wondering and if anyone cares I did deactivate my Facebook. This is temporary, well right now it is. I was annoying myself for how much time I was spending stalking my friends rather than just asking them about their lives! So right now it's just this lovely blog of mine! I am planning on bringing it back when I move but I will let you know. Even then I am going to limit myself by how much I am on it. 

     Well guys, I found someone to take my room for spring term..... it's real now, I have to go somewhere! It's my roommates little sister and I love her very much! I think she's pretty cool but you can see for your self Hi Michayla! But with all that I am realizing that I can't really take a lot of stuff with me when I leave. I have a mini fridge, my full size bed, numerousness book shelves, the dining room table is mine.... random stuff that I am going to need to sell and start over. I am kinda of getting excited though about being able to decorate my apartment with whoever I end up living with after my internship at Younglife's Sharptop Cove!!!

    There are so many cool ideas that I have right now for what my place in Conway is going to look like. Especially my kitchen. {I LOVE BEING IN THE KITCHEN!} Me and my current roommate Hannah were talking about kitchens and stuff when the plan was to live together in Portlandia next year. One of the things that we really wanted was a coffee cup wall hanger, which we got :), and a wine rack. I was able to find some sweet ones on Become.com. There's tons of stuff and kitchen toys like slicers, free standing pantry's, loads of gadgets and stuff outside the kitchen too. I think I "stumbled upon" it (again another death to my life and academic career) but knowing I am going to have to start over and get to (kinda not really) build a kitchen that I love... it's entertaining. Right now I am just using it mainly for ideas and such. Ya know get the creative juices flowing.
      But I need to be careful not to get ahead of myself until everything is certain and I am in my car (which I still don't have) driving across the country. Remember a lot of this move to start College Younglife is a huge leap of faith and I am learning to give it God one day at a time. Not let the little things break me. Tons of prayer and tons of listening to what the Lord is telling me. Right now it's scary because so many doors have opened and that's where I am feeling pushed but there are things like money and a car that I still don't have. I know He is faithful though and I know He will provide just as He let the Jews escape through parted waters. I know I need to be trusting and just wait in expectation. {psalm 5:3} Hold on, Spin around and Let go remember?!

     Needless to say I am extremely excited however! There are business details that I need to work out but I do know that it will. Because God is bigger than that, He is bigger than all of that. He's going to direct me in His will in His time. There are multiple people who think I am absolutely crazy but you know what, I am sorry but those people aren't me, they don't have the same peace I do and they are not the King that I am serving.
     I mapped out where I would be going. Anyone know somewhere I can crash between Santa Rosa, CA and Austin, TX?? haha I know someone in Arizona, maybe I should call him... I should probably call my Uncle in Austin too huh? He's awesome though, I miss him a ton! He's my uncle and Godfather on my mom's side. A couple years ago he gave me a C.S. Lewis year devotional book, LOVE IT! In my phone he is just "Texas."

Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

You dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

~ Sara Bareilles

{1 Corinthians 1:18} "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. "

Til the next new day ♥ ,