You know what I find incredibly funny? The fact that I am still trying to make plans for myself. I know right?! It seems like every time I have a new plan for what I am doing with my life and what the next "season" is going to look like, God laughs at me and throws another curve ball. Almost 8 months ago I was preparing myself in the mind set that I was going to marry the guy I was with and live a life full of concerts, traveling and music, basically being a groupie to the band he was managing. This last summer I tried to tell God and the world that I was going to "take a break" from YoungLife for the summer.... yeah right, I somehow got placed on zip/swing 3rd session without knowing I even applied and it was the best assignment I have EVER been on. Not three months ago I was suppose to be moving to Portland with my current roommate after the year was over and I was done with school at Oregon State. Not 3 weeks ago I was convinced that I was going to leave everything behind and move to Franklin, TN and just lead Younglife and live in the south. Even making plans for this summer for the past 2 years I knew I wanted to apply for a summer intern at WFR: Creekside for it's first summer ever, then randomly I decided to apply for Sharp Top as well and would almost rather get that one. That would involve moving to GA for the summer. As if that wasn't enough to throw my plans for a loop a week and a half ago I get an email from a friend and mentor telling me about another program that is underway that could take me to a part of the country that I would have never dreamed of for at least 2 years helping start more YL clubs at high schools in an area that isn't developed yet. I'm not really suppose to talk about that one so that's all I can say for now. But wait, it gets better.... LAST NIGHT I had a random conversation with a friend that could change my life dramatically in the next month or so. During the conversation and after there was no doubt in my mind that it was God talking. It wasn't him talking and trying to convince me what I should do but it was conviction from the Holy Spirit that I would be stupid to ignore. When something is so true to the point where I was lying in a ball on the floor of my room on the phone with someone on the other side of the country helping me realize that well guys, let's just say I'm not going to be in Corvallis for long. I was shaking and crying for about 20 minutes just thinking of what was breaking my heart 2,263 miles away.
Sometimes we think that we are living out Gods will but in reality we are just living out our own emotions and decisions we are making in our life but we are so comfortable making them and being where we are that we fail to recognize if it really is what the creator is calling us to do. More often than not He's not going to put us in a comfortable situation. But if we are going before the Lord humbly and asking for His guidance and for His help, sometimes he actual is building us as person rather than making us successful in the eyes of the world. So many of us refuse to listen to God because it's scary and it's hard. It's that simple. And it only takes that much for us to say "that's great and all but I don't really feel like it today." I think as Christians we get so caught up in living out Gods will and purpose means going somewhere and doing something crazy or going on some mission trip over seas or moving to some crazy place and a lot of times yeah, He's going to take you to some random place where you don't know anyone and you don't really want to be but if you look in scripture it's all over the place where the purpose that we have is to love His people. People have choices and God works inside of us. It is His purpose that is God. Most of the time we over think the worse case scenario but you know what, it's only the "worse case" the way we see it. Nothing will be a worry when we recognize that His purpose is always good. Again good doesn't always mean comfortable. It almost never means comfortable. But before we can understand what Gods purpose for my life is we have to realize Gods #1 purpose was to find me. He came to find me. If we can grasp that first than everything else is secondary.
So the question is do we want to work with God or fight against it? More often than not God wants me to do things that I don't want to do. And He will use me in ways that I don't want to be used. But He is preparing me. I still think back to the week at Wildhorse Canyon when Kent McDonald told us that God was calling us to come with Him and "do God stuff." And no one's got it figured out but man if there is anything I have learned in my walk so far is that when the Lord is opening a door saying "Go," ..... you GO!
2 Tim 2:20-12 ~ Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.
Ephesians 2:10 ~ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.